Mamihlapinatapai
by KESwriter
Summary: The story of how Reid falls in love and finds love again in an unexpected place after the sudden death of his wife. Originally part of Fifty Love Interests for Spencer Reid. Some spoilers for episodes after "The Sandman."
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Criminal Minds.

Rated T for references to violence.

The story of how Reid falls in love and finds love again in an unexpected place after the sudden death of his wife. Originally part of Fifty Love Interests for Spencer Reid.

My story also addresses the other possible realities of life beyond the BAU. The idea that people move on to other jobs. There are a ton of OCs in this story but the team will be involved.

Mamihlapinatapai

 _Mamihlapinatapei: Derived from the Yaghan language-_ _A wordless, yet meaningful look between two people who both desire to initiate something, but both are too scared to initiate themselves._

 _~Wikipedia_

"Hold the elevator!" a woman shouted.

The woman was holding a stack of pie dishes up to her chin. Reid quickly puts his messenger bag between the doors.

"Thanks," she said breathlessly. "Happy Pi day!" she added brightly.

"Thank you. What floor?"

"Fifth. I am an accountant, though not a good one as I should have been there five minutes ago and it only my sixth day," she said rapidly and then paused. "I'm sorry, I spilling my guts to you. I am just so nervous. I'm not sure how half the pies turned out."

Reid pressed the buttons. "It's okay," he said awkwardly. "So you like numbers?"

"I can name up to thirty-six digits," she said proudly.

"Fifty," he said.

"Cool," she said. "I'm Jane by the way. Jane Ascher."

"I'm Dr. Spencer Reid," he said.

The door dinged. "This is my stop," he said. "Nice to meet you Jane."

"I'd wave if I could," she said. "See you around Spencer!"

As Reid turned around to catch a better glimpser of her face and short curly blond hair he felt as though might have been hit in the face with a pie. Preferably, one of hers.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two:

The next time he saw her was two days later when she was holding a cafeteria tray looking slightly lost.

He looked to J.J., Lewis, and Garcia. "Do you mind if I invite her over?"

J.J. smiled. "Invite anyone you want Spence."

"Jane!" Reid called out and she looked surprised to see someone call her name. She slowly approached them.

"Come sit with us," he said beckoning her forward.

"Sure," she said nervously and then took a seat next to Reid. "This is my first time down here as I usually pack a lunch and eat at my desk but I thought I'd try here. Though I didn't realize how much it would feel like high school."

"Well you're at the cool kid's table today," Lewis said with a grin. "I'm Tara Lewis, this Penelope Garcia, and this is J.J."

"I'm Jane. I was never at the cool kids table in school. I sat out in the hot sun with the Mathletes."

"So where are you from?" Reid asked.

"Albuquerque and no I don't know how to cook meth or how Bugs Bunny went wrong."

This got a laugh from everybody but Reid who looked confused.

"The methamphetamine use rates are on par with the average city of that population."

J.J. leaned in. "He hasn't seen a popular TV show ever," Morgan said.

"Oh I never saw the show either," Jane said. "I just got sick of being asked if I knew how to cook meth by half-drunk coworkers at parties and decided to read up on the show."

"So what brought you to D.C. if you don't mind me asking?" Lewis asked.

"I followed my now ex-boyfriend up here and decided to stay," she said. "Now three years later I got sick of helping rich people get richer and decided working for the FBI might sound cooler."

There was a lull in the conversation as people started to eat their lunch.

Jane gestured towards them. "So you guys are serial killer hunters right?" she said. "I see you leaving and coming in the building at random hours."

"That's us," J.J. said. "We work in the Behavioral Analysis Unit."

"I stay here most of the time. I'm the technical analyst," Garcia said. "That's the way I like as I prefer the creepy stuff to stay behind my computer screens."

"I don't think I'd have the stomach for your job either," Jane said.

J.J. opened a bag of cheese doodles. "So pending we don't get called on a case: Who has plans this weekend?"

"I'm going to car show with Rossi," Lewis said.

"I'm going to do touristy things with just Henry for some special bonding," J.J. said.

"I'm going to see the new exhibit on Nigerian culture at the Smithsonian," Reid said.

Jane sighed. "I am just going to laze around my apartment with my Magicians."

Reid's eyes lit up. "You like that series too?"

"I've read the books and the show while it obviously going to different, it isn't terrible. I've missed the last couple episodes."

"I have read the books too but only saw the first episode," Reid said.

"Then you should come over and we can watch it together," she blurted out.

Reid turned red and so did Jane.

"I'm sorry my boyfriend left behind this big HD TV and I thought you might like to see it on mine if you don't have a better TV."

J.J. was smiling. "He doesn't. His TV is older than my first son."

"I'd love to drop by and watch it with you," Reid said nervously. "If you don't mind re-watching a couple episodes.

"No, not at all. How about six o'clock Friday?" she pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled down her number and address.

Jane quickly finished eating and got up. "It was nice meeting all of you," she said hurried away.

No one said another word as they finished eating. There were grins all around the table. They quietly got up from the table and put their dishes away. No one spoke in the elevator.

Hotch and Rossi were talking on the upper level when they arrived. Rossi stared at them.

"The cafeteria food can't be that good," he said.

"But it was a really good meal for Reid," J.J. said with a broad smile.

"Very good," Lewis added.

"Excellent," Garcia said.

Reid didn't say a word as he sat down behind his desk. He too was smiling.


	3. Chapter 3

Surprise! I am an insomniac tonight. Don't expect this to be a regular thing though. I have also decided to make my life more difficult by making changes to the last chapter to match up with the timeline.

Chapter Three:

"Savannah is going to be a beautiful bride," J.J. said while video conferencing Garcia on the plane ride home.

"I know," she said. "And I got a peek at bridesmaid dresses and they are not tacky or dated."

"I can't wait to see the photos," Lewis said.

Garcia turned slightly to get a better look at Rossi. "So are you going to Morgan's stag party?"

"Do you think he wants an old man like me around to weigh him down?"

"You're not old," all three said at the same time.

"I have a kid not much younger than you guys."

"Speaking of who, Morgan told me she's invited to the wedding also," Garcia said. "This is going to be a whole family affair."

"I was thinking of bringing her like a father-daughter event," Rossi said.

J.J. smiled. "Come on, we all want to know who you've been making those mysterious phone calls to."

"There is truly no such thing as a secret with you people," he said.

At the other end of plane Hotch was doing paper work while Reid had a book open.

Hotch approached him. "Reid is there anything wrong?"

Reid looked up. "No, why?"

"You've been staring at the same page for two minutes, you're usually done with at least ten by now."

"It is nothing, Hotch," Reid said.

"If you're sure," Hotch said carefully.

"Jane gave me toothbrush as a present," he blurted out.

Hotch was at a complete loss for words and Reid turned a deep shade of red.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "She pointed out that during last three months between cases I have been spending more time at her place than mine. She also cleaned out a drawer for me."

"Reid there is nothing to be sorry about," Hotch said. "Relationships are complicated and taking the next step can be a big undertaking."

"I didn't think things would be moving this fast," Reid said in a low voice.

"Sometimes it is hard to predict how a relationship will change," he said. "But if at any point it causes you too much discomfort, tell her."

"I will. Thanks Hotch."

He patted his shoulder. "This will stay between us until you decide to tell the team."

"I can't wait," he said with a sigh.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for the support!

Chapter Four:

Reid was exhausted when he finally arrived at Jane's-their apartment. He kept trying to get his key in but all he did was scratch the lock. The door suddenly opened and Jane pulled him into a hug.

"How's Savannah?" she asked. "How's the baby?"

"They're both going to be okay," Reid said bursting to tears. "Morgan nearly died again tonight."

Jane closed the door and guided him to their couch.

"He was so reckless," Reid said wiping away tears. "I'm not sure if he is coming back to the BAU this time. He's been put on leave."

"Was he hurt?"

"Only a few superficial wounds. But psychologically the wounds run deeper."

Jane rubbed his shoulder. "Oh Spencer."

"I knew a piece of him was gone after his abduction. But I never imagined losing him completely," he said breathlessly.

"You won't," Jane said. "He'll always be there for you."

"But it won't be the same," Reid said as fresh tears emerged. "I always thought he and I would be there until retirement."

"Plans change," she said softly. "Sometimes for the bad and sometimes for the better."

"I still want to work there," he said suddenly. "I have been through horrible things and I have been shot multiple times but I don't want to leave."

"I wouldn't expect you to," she said.

"Even if I want a future with you?" he said looking into her eyes.

She touched his cheek. "Especially because you want a future with me and I want that too."

Reid let out a short laugh. "This is not how I imagined proposing to you."

Jane cuddled in with Reid. "Some things don't go according to plan. How did you want to propose to me?"

"With a ring at our favorite Italian restaurant."

"Nah, that is too normal for us," she said with a smile. "I don't like the circumstances but I think a proposal should come from a place of passion, not formality."

"I love you so much Jane."

"I love you too Spencer."

Then he kissed her.

…

There was a knock on Hotch's door. He went over and opened it. Jane appeared holding folders.

"Hi Hotch," she said brightly. "Since Cruz is on vacation I heard you were handling some of his duties so I volunteered to bring this down to you."

Hotch took the files. "Thank you," he said and the looked at her more closely. "That is a very pretty necklace."

Jane quickly tucked it in. "Oh it's nothing special," she said.

Hotch put the folders on his desk. "How long have you and Reid been engaged?"

She jumped at the question.

"Two weeks," Jane said. "We were planning on announcing in another week."

"That explains why Reid seems to be smiling more at random times."

"Do you think we should say something now?" she asked. "It took you less than a minute to figure it out."

Hotched looked at her. "Jane you're positively glowing. The team could use some good news after everything that has transpired recently."

"Thanks Hotch."


	5. Chapter 5

I have no experience with people with dementia. I hope this sounds right.

Chapter Five:

Reid took a seat across from his mother who only recognized him as the pleasant young man who came to visit from time to time.

"Hello," Reid paused, "Dianne."

"Hello there," she said brightly. "How are you today?"

"Good, thank you," he said. "I dropped by to say I'm getting married."

"That's wonderful!" she said and clapped her hands once. "Who's the lucky girl?"

"Her name is Jane, Jane Ascher," he said. "She is an accountant at where I work."

"How lovely," she said. "Where are the nuptials being held?"

"On an estate one of her brothers owns," he said. "She has two older brothers and one younger sister."

"How sweet," Dianne said. "You're marrying into a big family then."

"I don't know Ma-Dianne, it all feels like too much. I'm used to having a couple relatives and now all these people want to get to know me."

"Where there is family, there is love and you can never have too much love."

Reid wondered if that was embroidered on a pillow somewhere in the sanitarium.

"So who's your best man?" she asked.

"Derek Morgan, a coworker of mine who has always looked out for me."

"Another coworker, don't you have any friends outside of work?"

He knew she didn't mean to sound rude but it hurt.

"No one particularly close," he said.

"I see, so do you have a song picked out for the first dance?"

"All of Me by John Legend, her choice."

"How nice, now what song are dancing to with your mother? Her choice too I bet."

Reid gulped. "My mother doesn't like to dance."

"That's sad, I always thought dancing was fun," she said.

He couldn't take it anymore. Reid made a show of checking his watch.

"I can't stay much longer," he said and opened his messenger bag. "These are some letters that detail the rest of the wedding. I thought you'd like them."

"That is so sweet of you," Dianne said and took the letters. "Your mother is so lucky to have such a nice son like you."

Reid turned away and got up. "Thanks, see you another time… Dianne."

"Good-bye!" she said cheerfully.

…

Jane was waiting for him at the airport in Albuquerque.

"That bad?" she said.

Reid nodded.

Jane hugged him. "Deep down she still knows you're her son."

"I know," he said and pulled her away. "But now is not a time to be sad. We're getting married in two days!"

"I hear Morgan has a wild bachelor party planned."

"He better not, or I am leaving and he is stuck paying for the party."

"Well Ally and I plan on showing J.J. and Garcia how we like to party in Albuquerque and it has nothing to do with cooking meth."

…

Whatever nerves he felt were gone when he saw Jane in her wedding dress. Reid noticed that Garcia was crying. As her father walked her up the aisle he noticed J.J. was starting to cry too. He noticed even Morgan was starting to tear up.

He leaned towards Morgan. "What is with you guys?" he whispered.

Morgan shook his head.

"I guess we're all just so happy to see you this happy. After all you've been through, you deserve it."

"Thanks Morgan," he said and then took Jane's hand.


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks for the support!

Chapter Six:

In a suburb of Salt Lake City, the clock was ticking as Reid, Rossi, J.J., and Hotch cleared each room of the house. A child had been missing for two days and an accomplice finally gave up a name and a location. Minutes later Hotch's voice came through their ears pieces. He had found the boy tied to crib in the nursery. The UNSUB, Clint Hastings, was still at large. Reid just finished clearing the attic when he heard a loud moan. Rossi was slumped against the wall clutching his chest.

Reid hurried to him.

"My chest aches," Rossi said. "It hurts like heck."

Reid undid the fastenings to his FBI vest as he laid down. "We need an EMT up hear here on the second floor stat," he said into his ear piece. "A man is having a heart attack."

Rossi grabbed his arm. "Kid, Spencer I just want you to know—"

"Save your breath Rossi, the EMTs will be here soon," Reid said desperately.

"Know that it has been a pleasure to get to know you and say, say,"

"Rossi! Rossi!" Reid shouted but he had passed out. He quickly began to perform CPR. It had to work. Rossi was going to be fine. He had to be.

The EMTs arrived and took over. J.J.'s voice buzzed through his ear to say that Hastings had been shot and killed. Reid rested his back against the wall, trying to will tears from falling down. Hotch came up and placed a hand on his arm. It was time to go.

Reid watched as Hotch rode in the ambulance with Rossi, whose heart was still just barely beating. J.J. hugged him.

"He's going to be okay Spence," she said.

"He has to be," he said.

…

Rossi was in surgery for six hours. Hotch had left to get some proper rest and Reid was in the waiting room when the doctor came in. He introduced himself as Dr. John Williams.

"He's going to live," he said.

Reid fought every urge not to break down into tears.

"What's his condition?"

"Critical, but stable," he said. "His heart stopped twice while on the operating table for intervals thirty-one and sixty-eight seconds. Were you the one who was performing CPR when the EMTs arrived?"

He nodded.

"You probably saved his life then. He was also lucky that this attack showed symptoms."

"I know," Reid said. "Some people are known in some cases to mistake it as heartburn. When can I see him?"

"You can go up to his room now, but just know that he'll be out of it at least another five hours so I'd suggest getting some rest."

Reid first called Hotch to tell him the good news.

"Go back to the hotel room, Reid. I'll come in. David will be there when you wake up."

Then he called Jane.

"Hey, why aren't you home yet? I saw the news." she said. "I have been experimenting with how to make your favorite meal and I think I succeeded finally."

"Rossi had a heart attack while on the case," he said.

"Oh no, is he going to be alright?"

"They think so."

"That's good to hear. Come home when you're ready."

Reid thought for a second. "Wait, you hate Indian food."

"I thought solving this case warranted a celebration."

"You can't lie to a profiler Jane," he said.

"We agreed you couldn't profile me."

"But you are hiding something," he countered.

"Go get some rest Spencer and we'll discuss it when you come home."

"I love you," he said.

"I love you too Spencer."

…

After approximately four hours of sleep he found Garcia waiting with J.J. She shook his head.

"He still hasn't woken up. Hotch went to get some coffee," she said.

"Poor Rossi," Garcia said. "He always claimed to be as healthy as horse and now this."

"Heart attacks have a variety of different causes," Reid said. "Sometimes is just genetic disposition."

Garcia rushed over and hugged him. "It is so good to hear you talk like a human encyclopedia in times like this."

"He's going to be fine, Garcia," he said.

"Yes I am," Rossi said.

They all turned their attention to him. Garcia let go of him and rushed to his side.

"I'm so glad you're going to be okay Rossi," she said.

Rossi caught his eye. "Hey kid come here."

"I must look like crap to you," he said.

"You look like you've been in surgery for several hours," Reid said.

"I trust you to honest with me," he said hoarsely. "Listen Spencer I remember where I was when I was trying to tell you something and here it is. Spencer I care about you as though you were my own son. I also so very proud of you."

Tears leaked down Reid's face. "Thank you Rossi. I didn't know what to think when Gideon left but over these past several years you've become a new mentor to me. One that I knew wouldn't abandon me."

"I'll always be there for you kid," he said, "even from the grave."

"Which will not be happening any time soon," Hotch said from the doorway.

"You better believe it Aaron."

…

A day later Rossi threatened to call security if they didn't leave him and go back to their own families. Joy had arrived and was now looking after him so the team felt moderately comfortable leaving him.

Jane was waiting for them in the bullpen. Reid went over to her.

"You're pregnant aren't you?"

"You're always right," she said.

J.J. and Garcia cheered as Reid hugged her.

"By the way I threw out your Indian meal," she said. "It was making me nauseous."

"Why would I care about food when I have you and the baby?"

"I have no idea."

"I call dibs on hosting the shower," Garcia said.

They laughed as Hotch watched from above. Reid made eye contact with him. There were going to be many changes in his future.


	7. Chapter 7

I have an itch to write. I will rewrite this whole thing from if I have to as a result of Wednesday night, March twenty-third. Here is my interpretation.

Chapter Seven:

Two weeks later Reid was in Hotch's office trying not to look nervous. He knew what it was about but he wasn't sure he was ready to hear it.

"I have spoken with David and he has said he is officially retiring," Hotch said. "I have spoken with Cruz, and he approved my request to have you fill his position if you are interested."

Reid looked in the direction of Rossi's office. "I am honored that you would consider me for the position Hotch. Senior Supervisory Special Agent. Thank you."

Hotch leaned forward. "Spencer you have grown in leaps and bounds since you started here. You have proven yourself time and time again. It is not an honor, it a natural progression of your career as an FBI agent."

"Thank you," Reid said. "I'd like to talk it over with my wife first."

"I'll need an answer in a week."

"Okay," Reid said and got up. They shook hands.

As Reid left Hotch called out.

"Spencer, one more thing," he said. "Feel free to call me Aaron from time to time."

The name didn't sound right to Reid. "Sure, Hotch," he said.

There was a trace of a smile on Hotch's face as Reid closed the door.

…

"What's to discuss Spencer?" Jane said. "It is an excellent opportunity."

Reid was helping her cook pasta. "I don't know. What about the baby?"

"We already discussed that," she said stirring the sauce. "You promised you would continue to work to save lives to make a better world for the kids we might bring into the world. We have had dinner with Will and J.J. They worked it out and so we will."

"I know," he said as he sliced vegetables "So you really think I should take the promotion?"

"Absolutely," she said and gave him a quick kiss.

She added the sliced vegetables. "So my sister called and my half of the family has made their plane reservations. She said they want to know a name, a gender if our name is gender neutral, and who the godparents are. Are we in agreement on our choices?"

"Yes, now it is time to tell them," Reid said with a smile.

…

Three weeks later Rossi hosted his own retirement party. It consisted of only his current team and their spouses. They dug into a meal approved by multiple nutritionists and only the best heart-friendly wine was served of which Rossi only had one glass. There were multiple toasts to Rossi's health and future endeavors.

Rossi clapped in gratitude.

"Now I thing think it is time to look to celebrating the future of BAU. Aaron do you have any announcements on that front?"

Hotch glared at him. Rossi rolled his eyes.

"I know it already official, now it is time to share it with the team."

Hotch slowly stood up. "I am pleased to announce that Tara Lewis will joining our time on full-time bases."

There was applause and the clinking of glasses. "Next I am pleased to announce that Matt Simmons from the International Unit will be joining the team."

Everyone applauded at this announcement also. He was a well-liked agent by those who knew him.

"Finally I am pleased to announce that our own Spencer Reid will be take Rossi's place as Senior Supervisory Special Agent."

This time there was lots of cheering, clinking of glasses and the people next to Reid patted him on the back.

Reid stood up. "Thank you all so much. Rossi I hope I can live up to the example you set in your years in the position. Next I think, I guess, Jane and I would like to make our own announcements."

He sat down and Jane smiled. "We are pleased to announce that we have selected my sister 'Ally' Alison Caudell to be our child's godmother and Derek Morgan to the godfather. We have spoken with Morgan and he over the moon to be godparent to 'pretty boy's kid.'"

There were cheers and laughter. Garcia raised her hand. "I have shower to plan. Are you going to give me a color scheme or should I invest in both pink and blue decorations?"

"Did you know that boys were originally dressed in pink and that the use of pink for girls has only been around for the last hundred years?" Reid said.

Jane smiled at Reid from across the table and exchanged a meaningful look.

"It's a girl," she said.

"Yay," Garcia cheered loudly. "I can't wait to start knitting frilly girl clothes."

"There's more," Reid said. "We've decided to name her after Jane's favorite late aunt. Her name is Jenna, Jenna Diane Reid."

J.J. nearly dropped her glass.

Reid smiled at her warmly. "We liked the name for multiple reasons."

"Spence I still feel honored," she said.

Jane reached across the table took Reid's hand.

"I have four J's in my life now," he said.

Rossi clapped slowly. "Thank you kid. For upstaging my retirement party in the best way imaginable," he said and stood up and raised his glass. "To Spencer, Jane, and Jenna."

Everyone stood up together. "To Spencer, Jane, and Jenna."


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for the support. No spoiler to worry about here.

Chapter Eight:

On the plane ride home J.J. pulled out of the kitchen nook plastic wine glasses and a bottle of sparkling apple juice. She passed them out to the team to Reid's surprise.

"To Spencer, for the completion of his last case before he adds a new special title: Dad," she said.

"To Spencer!" the team cheered.

Reid was embarrassed by all the attention. "I'm just glad she didn't come early. I hope leaving two weeks early is enough time."

"You'll definitely be changing diapers in no time," Matt said.

"Please take all the time you need before getting back," Hotch said.

"I will Hotch. I just want a healthy baby," Reid said.

"Don't we all Spence?" J.J. said with a deep smile. "Don't we all?"

…

Morgan found Reid in a vacant waiting room in the maternity ward with his face his in his hands. Reid looked up briefly and smiled. It looked like it hurt.

"Hey, I heard Jenna was born," Morgan said. "Ally texted me. Eight pounds, eleven ounces. Congratulations."

"Thanks," he said croakily.

Morgan took a seat. "Reid, what's going on? Why didn't you call me?"

"Jane nearly died," Reid said, his eyes full of tears. "The bleeding wouldn't stop. She had to have a hysterectomy."

"Oh kid," Morgan leaned over and hugged him.

"Jane's still in the ICU, Jenna is here. I don't know where to go."

"Where's Jane's family?"

"Scattered," he said. "Ally is with Jane. Connor, her father is watching Jenna. Jane is still sedated from the surgery. I'm afraid to look into her eyes on what is supposed to be the happiest day of our life and I just want to cry."

"You have Jenna though," Morgan said. "Healthy, baby Jenna."

"Yes I do, but she'll never have any siblings unless we adopt and I'm not ready to think about that."

Morgan didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say.

"I know medical science has progressed but Jane will still hurt physically and psychologically. I just hope I can help her through it."

"You will buddy, you will," Morgan said. "Things will get better, I promise."

"I know that rationally, but why does it hurt so much?" he asked.

"Because your Jane is hurting and you're a father now. Your heart is torn."

Reid held tightly to him. "Thank you Morgan for being here."

"I'll always be there for you buddy. I promise."

Reid eventually let go and sniffled. "Now do you want to go see your new god daughter before I go be with Jane for a while?"

"I'd love to."


	9. Chapter 9

Okay some spoilers ahead. Congrats if you've managed to avoid them by the way.

Chapter Nine:

No one spoke on the plane ride home. Phones were pulled out but no one was looking at them J.J. kept closing her eyes and opening them, trying to figure out how to will the images away. Even Hotch was simply staring at his paperwork. Sometimes words nor distractions could begin to distract from the horrors they saw.

Four women in three days had been assaulted and dismembered across the city of Nashville. The most heinous crime the city had ever seen. Lewis caught Kurt Smith preparing to kill his fifth victim. He dropped the knife. He was preparing to enjoy a nice prison stay where he would serve as a research subject for years to come. Lewis didn't want to look into this man's mind. It took every ounce of restraint not to kill him on the spot.

Their collective thoughts of scenes that could not be unseen was interrupted by a message left for J.J. She opened it.

"Guy's this is a video file from Jane."

"What's it called?" Lewis asked.

"Elemental"

The team crowed in and J.J. played the video.

It was an image of Reid rocking Jane. His blue shirt was completely wrinkled and his hair was a mess. Jenna made small gurgling baby noises as Reid sang in a low voice.

"There's Hydrogen and Helium, Then Lithium, Beryllium Boron, Carbon everywhere, Nitrogen all through the air."

Smiles broke out across the room.

"With Oxygen so you can breathe And Fluorine for your pretty teeth Neon to light up the signs, Sodium for salty times."

Reid raised his voice slightly and Jenna giggled.

"MAGNESIUM, Aluminum Silicon PHOSPHORUS, then Sulfur, Chlorine and Argon POTASSIUM and Calcium so you'll grow strong SCANDIUM Titanium Vanadium and Chromium and MANGANESE."

J.J. let out a small laugh.

"This is the Periodic Table, Noble Gas are stable, Halogens and Alkali react aggressively. Each period we'll see new outer shells. While electrons are added moving to the right."

Jane slowly snuck out of the room with a smile on her face.

"He sings the whole song to her every time she gets fussy and it seems to calm her down a little," Jane said and laughed. "She'll know the periodic table before she knows the alphabet. I hope this cheers you guys up. Spencer was following the case as best he could. I thought you'd like to see the humanity waiting for you at home."

The video ended.

Everyone took their seats silently. Hints of smiles remained. J.J. began a text to her husband. Matt played a game on his tablet. Lewis and Hotch slowly began to do paperwork.

…

The next day there was the scampering of feet.

"Slow down Hank," Morgan called out. "Your daddy isn't as fast as he used to be."

Hotch blocked Hank's path. "Or he's going to be a long distance runner. Hey sport."

Hank just giggled and tried to get past him but Morgan was able to grab him in time.

"So what brings you here today Morgan?"

"The usual, lunch with Penelope and I was planning on meeting up with Reid. Is the kid around?"

"No I wasn't expecting him to be in for another two weeks."

"Here I am!" Reid shouted as he ran past the bullpen and up the stairs. He looked like he hadn't slept properly in weeks at least and his left shoulder looked wet like he had tried to get rid of a stain.

"Hi Hotch," he said breathlessly. "I just wanted to pick up some new research on geographic profiling that Anderson left on my desk." Then he looked at Morgan and waved to Hank.

"Hi, Hank man. You appear to at this rate growing to be taller than your mom and dad."

Morgan laughed. "Where's your other half?"

"With the accountants. Jane is having a hard time pulling Jenna away from them."

"I'll see you at the elevator in five minutes supposing Garcia doesn't try to spoil his lunch with that pile of treats for him in her office."

"Sounds good," Reid quickly unlocked his office. Hotch followed him in.

"I could have had that sent to you, you know," he said.

Reid flipped through the file. "I know but-" Reid sighed. "Is it horrible that I don't want to follow Morgan's route? I want to get back to my job of saving people. I love Jenna but I don't know."

Hotch took another step forward. "Reid I hate to state the obvious but you and Morgan are very different people. You both love your families equally, but how you show it is very different. Don't feel guilty for wanting to come back. It is your choice and don't question it if it feels right."

"Thanks Hotch."

Reid found Jane and Morgan talking at the elevator. Hank was making funny faces at Jenna in the stroller and she was staring at him curiously.

End Note:

The song is, "The New Periodic Table Song," by AsapSCIENCE.


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks for the support!

Chapter Ten:

From the bullpen J.J. and Reid watched as Hotch put away his things.

"It is still sinking in," J.J. said. "Hotch is moving on."

"The promotion is long over-due," Reid said and turned to J.J. "And so is yours."

J.J. laughed. "Because you turned down the position!"

"I think my skills are better suited behind the scenes. You make for a more appealing appearance. The face of the BAU."

J.J. turned red. "Stop it."

"Kate Callahan will be returning to the team so at least we won't be adding a stranger to our group."

"That is nice," J.J. said.

"Time seems to be flying, even though it technically doesn't" Reid said. "First with Morgan leaving, followed by Rossi a couple years later, and now Hotch."

"I know but they always stay in our hearts," J.J. peacefully.

"And he'll be just down the hall," Reid said.

Hotch was holding the last crate from his office when he approached them from above the bullpen. "I just want you two to know that you have been invaluable assets during my time as unite chief. I would not have reached this point in my career without you. I am completely confident in leaving the team in your hands. Thank you for everything."

"Thank you Hotch," J.J. said beating Reid to saying it. "I know I wouldn't be here without you and it has been a pleasure to transition from press liaison to full-agent under your tenure. Thank you."

"Hotch I know I wouldn't be here without you," Reid said emotionally. "You gave me more chances than I deserve. Thank you for everything."

Hotch put the crate down and leaned over. "Don't sell yourself short Reid. You are more than an impressive agent. I am proud to have watched your progression from a young agent to an experienced mentor of future agents."

He offered his hand and Reid shook it. Hotch held it for second longer. "Reid why is there lipstick on you collar?"

Reid quickly withdrew his hand and covered the spot. "I thought this one was clean. Ally got sick while babysitting Jenna and she managed to get into Jane's makeup bag and color my shirts."

J.J. laughed. "The terrible threes are hitting you hard Spence."

"I read this stage of emotional development would be trying for the parents but I still don't have a full grasp on the level of her creativity."

Even Hotch was smiling. "Reid, how many times have we told you this?"

"No books or experiences can prepare you for a child of your own," all three said together and Reid sighed.

"It is definitely not getting easier," he said.

J.J. grinned. "Enjoy every minute of though—"

"Because it all goes too quickly," Hotch said completing her thought.

Hotch checked his watch. "I needed to get going. Good luck to the both of you and know that I am just down the hall if you need anything."

Reid and J.J. nodded and waved.


	11. Chapter 11

Thanks for the support!

Chapter Eleven:

Reid was quickly buttoning his shirt when J.J. found him in a hospital room.

"Where's the fire Spence? You need your rest. That guy beat you pretty badly," she said.

"If I get a taxi to Oakland, I can still make the red-eye home. It is Jenna's first day of school tomorrow."

"Are you sure you want to do that?"

"I know she's been in pre-K but this is different. It's her first year in the American education system. I want to be there with Jane to take pictures and wave good-bye."

"What did the doctors say?" J.J. asked.

"Bruised ribs and small contusions on my legs arms and legs. No serious injuries to prevent me from flying."

"Just try to get some sleep on the plane then," J.J. said. "Those eyes look like they could use a ton of rest. Give my love to Jane as always."

"Thanks J.J. I'll have all my paperwork finished tomorrow."

"Just get some rest, it's been a long night."

…

Jane was reading a book on her tablet when Reid entered the bedroom.

"You look like a four-letter word."

He patted his hair down. "You didn't have to stay up. I only texted you to let you know I was coming home tonight."

"And I wanted to be awake to tell you that coming home was a mistake. Jenna knew you were on a case. Not a lot of dads are going to be there anyway."

"Jane, I have made it my priority to be here whenever I can even when I am feeling worn down."

Jane stood up an approached him slowly. She swiped right on the tablet and news article appeared with the headline. "Suspect caught after violent altercation with law enforcement."

She touched his arm and he winced.

"I do hope you didn't check yourself out AMA."

"Just bruises, nothing serious," he said.

"I still would have preferred you in bed somewhere rather than sitting in a chair on the red-eye. Your health is important."

He placed his hands on her cheeks. "Being here for you and Jenna is too."

"Please don't do this again," Jane said. "We agreed that your work would be important to the extent that you would look after yourself and try to come home in one piece."

Reid hugged her. "If it means that much to you, I won't I promise. I'll get the rest that I need."

Jane kissed him deeply. "You're very tense. Let's get you in the shower."

"Won't Jenna hear?" he whispered.

"You know she is a heavy sleeper."

"I know but things can change at the stage of development for someone her—"

"Spencer," she said between kisses as she pulled him to the bathroom. "Shut up."

…

"Bye Mommy! Bye Daddy!" she waved cheerfully with one hand and the other holding a purple lunch box. Her backpack was yellow and purple, and she had on blue shorts and a dark pink shirt.

Some of the kids were crying and aids were helping out. Jenna kept waving and then quietly followed the teacher up the steps to the school building. Reid detected a slight spring in her step as she moved.

He and Jane held hands, at a loss for words. Their sweet little Jenna was officially a kindergartener. They heard a laugh behind them.

A woman blond hair and blue highlights appeared. "It is always so hard seeing them leave the first time."

"It's our only child," Jane said.

"Then it must be twice as hard seeing her go. This is my third and it does get a little easier. Yours' wasn't a crier I see."

"I don't know how that makes me feel," Reid admitted. "I should be happy as a parent to see her prepared to face academia but I still feel—"

"You feel sad that she is already moving on without you," the woman said.

"I guess," Reid said.

Jane clung to his hand. "I know. I didn't want her to melt down but I wasn't prepared to see her so excited."

"Live in the present then. She won't be backpacking through Europe any time soon. Be there to welcome her home and enjoy every minute you have with her."

Reid squeezed her hand back. "We will."

"As best we can," Jane added.


	12. Chapter 12

Thanks for the support!

Chapter 12:

Their case was stalling in Reno. Married couples were being tortured and left for dead in wedding chapels. The third couple had been abducted four hours ago. There was no pattern to be found in terms of location or what the victims had in common.

J.J. looked at the maps. "What are we missing?" she asked to no one in particular.

Reid read through the case files a third time in thirty minutes. He finally noticed something. "The second male victim had extremely high blood pressure, the first male victim had very low blood pressure."

Matt was reviewing surveillance footage. "That doesn't sound like much of a pattern."

"But date it was checked interesting," he said. "They were within two days of each other."

"Do they share the same primary doctors?" J.J. asked.

"No, but they do see doctors in the same medical group," Reid said.

"That is the connection. The UNSUB is most likely a nurse or physician's assistant," J.J. said. "Let's call the medical group and start looking for people who match the profile and timeline."

Kate pulled up the number and J.J. put the call on speaker phone. They were waiting on the line for a supervisor when Reid received a call.

"It's Jane," Reid said looking at his caller ID. Jane rarely called on a case unless it was an emergency.

J.J. waved her hand. "Go, I'll get you up to speed when you get back."

Reid dashed into the hall to answer the phone.

"Hi Jane," he said automatically.

"Daddy?" Jenna uncertainly over the line. "Daddy, Mommy just fell down in the cookie aisle in the grocery store. She won't get up."

The words stopped Reid's heart for briefest second. He needed to recover for his daughter.

"Okay, Jenny. Listen Mommy—"Reid didn't know how to lie to his daughter. "Are there other adults around?"

"Yes, they keep touching her neck and wrist and shaking their heads. I grabbed the phone when no one was looking. I'm the kiddy zone right now."

Reid fell to his knees on the ground. "Sweety, has anyone asked about me or something called 'next of kin'?"

"I told them you were out looking bad guys. They kept asking who my family was in the city and all I could say was Uncle Morgan, he's family right Daddy?"

"He certainly is sweetheart," Reid said.

"The police have just come in. Daddy why are police here? What about Mommy?"

Reid saw J.J. approaching him out of the corner of his eye. "Jenny, stay on the line. The police are there to keep you safe since Mommy can't."

"Daddy is Mommy dead?"

"I don't know yet sweety. Is a cop approaching you?"

"Yeah."

"Then can you put me on the line with him?"

"Daddy when are you coming home?"

"As soon as I can get on a plane honey."

"The police are here."

"Dr. Spencer Reid," the voice said formally over the line. "My name Officer Adam Malone with D.C. PD. I very sorry to inform you that your wife—"

"Dead, I gathered as much from what my daughter said. I haven't figured out how to tell her. Would you please keep that information from her until I can tell her? I am leaving as soon as I can get a plane out of Reno."

"We'll have to take her to the police station with us until a blood relative arrives."

"My wife nor I have family in the area. Her godfather Derek Morgan does live in the area. Can you please make a special exception?"

"I'll talk it over with my supervisor."

"In the meantime can you call to see if Detective William Lamontagne is available to watch her? I am the godfather to his oldest son."

"I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you," Reid said as he noticed J.J. was by his side.

"Sir," he said in a lower voice. "I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank, you," Reid said. "Can you put me back on the line with my daughter?"

"Daddy?" she said. "Are you coming home?"

"As soon as I can sweetheart. I promise."

"What about the bad people?"

"Aunt J.J. can handle them without me for a little while."

"Daddy has Mommy gone to heaven?"

"Yes," Reid said croakily as he felt J.J. rub his shoulders. "Yes she has. Now I have a plane to catch. I'll see you soon okay?"

"Okay," she said slowly. "Good-bye."

The line went dead. Reid slowly got up and looked into J.J.'s eyes.

"It is only going to get worse isn't it?"

J.J. began to tear up. "I'm afraid so." She took a deep breath. "I've been texting Garcia. There is a plane from Reno to D.C. It leaves in twenty-five minutes and she has already booked you a seat. Use your FBI credentials to cut through security. Don't worry about your things. I'll text Will about Jane. The sheriffs know us here so there shouldn't be a problem with using the lights."

Reid hugged J.J. "Thanks," he said and let go. "Now I need to be strong for Jenna. Good luck on the case."

"Just get to Jenna, Spence," she said.

Reid quickly wiped away the tears went to look for a sheriff to get him to the airport. He needed to be strong for Jenna.

Author's Note:

Please don't get too upset.


	13. Chapter 13

Thanks for the support as always!

Chapter Thirteen:

Reid found Hotch waiting for him at the airport.

"Garcia texted me," he said. "I thought you could use a ride."

"Thanks Hotch," he said as they walked out of the airport.

"Will texted me and said that Jenna is with him. Morgan and Garcia have already dropped by to see her."

"How is she?" Reid asked.

"Tired," Hotch said. "She took a nap in the captain's office. Were you able to rest at all?"

"I had five hours and fifteen minutes to think about the loss of my wife and how it was affecting my daughter. I didn't close my eyes for more than a minute Hotch."

They got in his car and Hotch stared right at him. "I know this must all be unbearably hard right now. I also know I can't say anything that will make you feel any better. Just please know that you have a team of agents to call family who will be there for you no matter what."

Reid nodded. "I know. I know I need to be strong for Jenna."

"And you will be."

Hotch turned on the car and pulled out of the parking lot. They didn't exchange another word until they got to the station.

…

"Daddy!" Jenna said rushing in to his arms.

He hugged her tightly. "I missed you so much."

"Daddy where's Mommy? No one will tell me."

Reid looked to the officer standing awkwardly next to them. He could see the word he was mouthing.

"A place called a morgue," he said. "There are special doctors there who will find what hurt Mommy so badly that she had to go to heaven early."

"So she really is dead?"

Reid nodded and tried not cry. "Yes. I'm so sorry sweetheart."

"Why are you sorry?" she asked. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"It is just something people say when they're sad something happened. Even if it's no one's fault."

"Then I'm sorry too," Jenna said.

"Have they been treating you well here kiddo?" Reid asked trying get her mind off Jane for the briefest of moment.

"Yep, Uncle Will took me out for ice cream for dinner. He said he didn't think you'd mind."

"No of course not."

"Uncle Morgan and Aunt Penelope came to visit me. Uncle Morgan brought me books and Aunt Penelope brought me a coloring book."

Will appeared. "And she has beaten me twice at checkers."

"I think he let me win," Jenna whispered in his ear.

This made Reid smile for the first time since Jane died.

He looked to the officer and then at Will. Will got the signal.

"Jenny I need to talk to the officer over there for a minute. I'll be right back okay?"

Jenna nodded.

The officer pulled him into the small waiting area.

"Thank you for watching her while I got home," Reid said.

"It is no trouble. She's a good kid," the officer. "I'm Officer Adam Malone. We spoke on the phone earlier."

"Yes. I'm Spencer Reid. What can you tell me about my wife's death?"

"All witnesses say it was sudden. She was pushing her shopping cart down the aisle when it rolled out from under her and she fell facing down. Then they heard your daughter yelling."

"When will you know cause of death?"

"We've fast-tracked this one. You should know by tomorrow morning."

"Thank you Officer Malone. I think I'll take my daughter home now."

"That is fine with us. We just need your signature."

Reid filled out the paper work and told Jenna they were going home.

"Yay!" she said. "The couch in the office wasn't very comfy."

"Let's get you home and into your own bed then."

Hotch was waiting at the car for them.

Jenna waved. "Hi Uncle Hotch."

"Hi sport," he said. "I'm driving you and your daddy home since his car is still at work."

"Okay," she said.

They got in the car and Hotch asked Jenna all sorts of quest about school and friends. Anything to keep her mind off Jane.

…

"Daddy what do you think Mommy is doing right now?" she asked as he tucked her into bed.

"Watching you," he said.

"Like a guardian angel?"

"Exactly like a guardian angel," Reid said and kissed her forehead. "She'll always be with you Jenna. Even now that you can't see her, she is always with us."

"I wish I could see her," she said drowsily.

"Me too Jenny. Me too."

Reid watched her fall asleep and then went into his bedroom. It already felt so empty and sad.

He looked around at the bed, remembering the fun they had.

"We're lucky to have a heavy sleeper for a kid," she said.

"I know," he said and then tickled her.

Those times were over now though. It occurred to Reid that he could let it out and Jenna wouldn't hear him, but he couldn't. He couldn't just yet.

He checked his phone and saw that he had missed message from every member of the team. He sent a quick message to everyone saying that he'd get back to them the next day. The days would only get longer after this.

As he got into his side of the bed he thanked whatever higher powers that were allowing him to fall asleep quickly. He also thanked Jane.


	14. Chapter 14

Did anybody watch a show called How I Met Your Mother? Spoilers for the show: The titular mother only revealed during the last season of the show, is killed off ten minutes before the end of the show. Not my favorite ending for a show. This is my roundabout way of saying these next few chapters are going to be sad in order to honor the character.

Chapter Fourteen:

Reid woke up early in the morning and looked at the other side of the bed. He briefly hoped it had all been just a bad dream. But she wasn't there sleeping away peacefully.

He got up and changed. He checked his watch. It was still early but he wanted to make the call before Jenna woke up. Reid dialed her number.

"Hello," Ally Caudel answered after the first ring.

Ally worked as an international investment broker and kept odd hours. It would make giving the news easier.

"Hi Ally its Spencer."

"What's up?"

"Ally, I don't know how else to say this but bluntly: Jane is dead."

"What?" she sputtered. "No! It can't be! How'd this happen?"

"She simply fell down why walking through the grocery store with Jenna. I should know the cause of death soon."

"Oh God, Jenna! How is she?"

"She's doing as best she can for a child her age I guess."

"Okay I'm getting on a plane as soon as I can. Dan can watch the kids."

"Ally no. Wait please," Reid said. "I just wanted you to know first."

"But I want to be with you guys. She's my sister!"

"Ally, I need a day to process all of this. I barely know where to begin."

"Then let me come to help."

"Please Ally, things are going to get crazy very quickly. Jenna deserves the quiet time too before everyone comes for the w-wake and funeral," Reid said suddenly getting emotional.

There was a pause on the line.

"Oh Spencer, I'm sorry. Look okay I'll make plane reservations for tomorrow and start informing the rest of the family." She took a deep breath. "We're going to get through this together. We're family right?"

"Right," Reid said.

They said good-bye and Reid hung up. He took a deep breath and calmed himself down. There would be time to cry later.

It was still early so Reid went into the kitchen, turned on his computer, and began to prepare for the funeral. There was an enormous variety to everything. Taking notes, he kept searching for keywords and phrases until Jenna appeared in her purple pajamas. Reid looked up and smiled.

"Good morning, Jenny Jen," he said brightly.

"Dad yesterday wasn't a nightmare was it? It wasn't a nightmare because you're home when you should be saving people."

"Jenna Aunt J.J. can handle saving people for a while without me. Yes mommy still is gone."

"I miss her," she said tearing up. "Who's going to make chocolate chip pancakes because yours are always burnt or slimy?"

"I'm miss her too," Reid said and gave her a hug. "I promise I'll learn to make proper pancakes someday. Now how about some Eggo Waffles?"

"Okay," she said.

Reid had his hand in the freezer when there was a knock on his door. He opened it to find Rossi with a giant basket of muffins in one hand.

"Here comes the muffin man," he said with a hint of cheer.

"Uncle Rossi!" Jenna cheered.

"Hey kiddo," he said cheerfully. "I hear your dad can be useless around the kitchen at times so I brought you a breakfast treat. Triple chocolate chip and glazed blueberry!"

"Yum," she said then turned her head down. "Are you here because Mommy died?"

"That's only part of the reason," Rossi admitted. "The big reason is to see how big you're getting! Wow, you're a giant."

"Daddy says I am going to be slightly above average in terms of height."

"Well, your daddy doesn't know everything. I think you're going to be taller than him!"

Jenna giggled.

Reid led them to the kitchen where he offered Rossi some coffee. Rossi began to unwrap the muffins with the green ribbons. "The heart-healthy ones," he groaned. "Only Iris Bakery makes good low sugar muffins."

Rossi talked animatedly with Jenna the whole time. He talked about his recent fishing trip and the different animals he saw. Rossi also told her about the trip he took with his grandson to Disneyland which made Jenna's eyes light up.

Rossi was telling Jenna about Space Mountain when Reid's phone rang. He recognized the number and took the call into his office.

"Hello," Reid said sadly.

"Hello Mr. Reid this is Officer Malone, we have the autopsy report on Jane. It was a stroke."

Reid sighed.

"It was one of my seven guesses."

The officer read off the name of the stroke she had. It was one of the rarest kinds that involved no symptoms. Reid was only half-listening. The medical information was important but not nearly as important as his next question.

"When can I see her?" he asked after Malone finished his summary.

"Any time today." He then went into details about transferring the body. Reid thanked the officer and hung up.

Reid opened the door to find Rossi waiting outside while Jenna was watching cartoons in the living room.

"What caused it?" he asked.

"A stroke," Reid said simply.

"I'm so sorry Spencer," Rossi said and gave him hug. "You'll get through this. I promise."

Reid nodded and let go. He couldn't get emotional yet.

"Would you like me to watch Jenna while you do what you need to do?"

"If it doesn't put you off or—"

"Kid I'm retired, I have all the time in the world and Jenna is a dream to look after."

"Thanks."

Reid made some more phone calls and chose a funeral home. During that time Morgan and J.J. called but he said he was busy.

He told Jenna he needed to run errands and Rossi would be watching her. She just nodded and returned to what she was reading. Reid no idea what was going on her head.

…

The coroner opened the drawer and there was his sweet beautiful Jane. He wanted to cry but he wouldn't let himself do so. He kissed her gently on the cheek and whispered into her ear. It already hurt so badly and this was only the beginning.


	15. Chapter 15

Thanks for the support!

Chapter Fifteen:

Reid was greeted by the scent of cooking when he got home. He could hear giggling upon entering the kitchen and found Morgan wearing a floral apron, checking on something in the oven. Jenna was watching closely while Rossi sat in the background looking like he was trying not to laugh.

Morgan looked up. "Hey buddy, Rossi let me in. Savannah sends her love along with a desert from Collet's. My boys and I made this casserole."

"It's spicy chicken," Jenna said gleefully. "Uncle Morgan won't tell me all the ingredients but I told him you could guess them when you tasted it."

"I never heard you claim to be taste genius."

"Actually there are people with highly advanced palates who can—"

"Are you one of them?" Morgan asked teasingly.

"No but I could guess based on what you usually keep in your pantry."

Morgan turned to Jenna. "Your daddy thinks he knows everything."

Jenna laughed.

Rossi got up and stretched. "He always has and always will, world without end etc…" he said and sighed. "I need to get going. It was great seeing you Jenna."

"Are you sure you don't want to stick around for dinner?" Reid asked.

"No thanks, spicy doesn't agree with me the way it used to. I'll see you around though."

He said good-bye, hugged Jenna and then Reid, and then gave a fist-bump to Morgan as he left.

Morgan kept Jenna entertained most of the evening with stories about his boys. He and Reid also shared old stories about how they used to prank each other when they worked together. This had Jenna in stitches and Reid managed to crack a few genuine smiles.

After dinner and dessert they watched an old Disney movie called Zootopia. Reid could not help but share anecdotes about each animal to the annoyance of Jenna and Morgan. Jenna was on the verge of falling asleep by the time the credits rolled. Reid gently guided her to bed.

Once she got changed Reid tucked in and Jenna asked: "Dad are all your friends going to be visiting now that Mommy's gone?"

"They just want to help you feel better," he said. "Is that problem? Are they bothering you?"

"No, I like seeing everyone. It doesn't stop me from missing mom though."

Reid rubbed her back. "I know. I still miss her too." Reid stopped himself from promising that it would get better when he knew it would get worse.

"I love you Jenna," he whispered into her ear.

"I love you too daddy," she said and fell asleep.

Reid found Morgan texting on his phone in the family room. Morgan stopped and went over to give him a big hug.

They held onto each other. Reid wouldn't let himself cry but he did let Morgan hug him for a minute longer.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here yesterday," he said. "The hospital went into code black and Savannah just couldn't leave and I couldn't find a sitter for the boys in time—"

"It's okay Morgan," Reid said. "You needed to be there for your family."

Reid plopped on the couch. Jane's couch. It still held up after all these years.

"Ally texted me on the way home. She and the rest of the Ascher family should be here by tomorrow afternoon."

"You're cool with your in-laws right?" Morgan said as he sat back down.

"Yes, but the family is just huge and I already feel overwhelmed enough as it is."

"Is there anything the team and I can help with?"

"Just keep being here for me and Jenna," Reid said.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, not tonight."

They just sat in silence for another hour. Reid enjoyed just having Morgan by his side. It was something he still missed after all these years. Eventually Morgan got up, gave him another hug, and left. Sometimes words didn't need to be exchanged when the connection was close enough.

…

It was in the middle of the night when Reid woke and felt her calling out to him. He quickly got out of bed and opened the bag containing some of Jane's person effects. One of which was her keys. He picked out the smallest key and plunged it into Jane's hope chest. He remembered moving it in and how heavy it was. Jane's uncle, a carpenter, insisted she had to have one and even paid to have it shipped to D.C. It was a beautiful piece and but he would never touch it until now.

He opened it and breathed in the scent of cedar. The first thing he saw a journal. He knew this was why Jane woke him. He opened the leather journal and found a note clipped to the front:

 _Spencer if you're reading this, I am probably dead which is an awful thought but I thought I'd write this in the event you went through my things and found this weird little journal. I got the idea from a movie called "The Notebook." I thought about making you watch it with me but then I thought it would make you too sad. This is the story of how we fell in love in the event you succumb to dementia like your mother. Another awful thought but I enjoyed the therapy of writing while you're gone. I don't want you to end up like her. I just like to have contingencies. This is our story and I hope if I die first it won't until we're both old and wrinkled. In any event just remember that I love you and always will._

 _Love,_

 _Jane_

 _Oxoxo_

The thick journal was only a third full. Two thirds of a life left blank. He put the journal back in the chest. There would be time to read later.


	16. Chapter 16

Thanks for the support! It really means a lot to me.

Chapter Sixteen:

J.J. appeared early in the morning with his go-bag in one hand and a bag of food in the other.

"I made scones," she said. "My boys ate them last night so they're edible."

"You didn't have to do that," Reid said.

"Well they're a step down from the Iris Bakery I can guarantee that."

After she set the plate on the table she gave him a hug. "I'm so sorry about Jane."

"Me too. J.J. me too," Reid said and let go.

He took his go-bag. "How was the case?"

"We got the guy just before he was about to kill his next victim."

"That's great J.J. that really is."

"But that is not why you called and asked me to come to your place early," she said.

Reid quickly put his go-bag in his room and brought his notebook and laptop out.

"I need help organizing the funeral and I don't want my in-laws to get too involved. Not that I don't love them. I'm just afraid that if I don't have a firm plan in place they'll try to take control of it away from me. Some of them might even suggest moving her remains back to New Mexico."

"But that won't happen," J.J. said. "I still don't understand, why me? Why not Garcia or Morgan? Garcia also sends her love by the way but doesn't want to crowd you."

"Jane was closest to you of all people," Reid said. "She latched onto the closeness between us and built something more. You're one of the three J's in my life. Jane called it my lucky letter."

"That's sweet," J.J. said. "I'll try to help as best I can. Where do you want to start?"

Reid opened his note book and they sat down at the kitchen table. "I want to know what readings you think sound best. These are what the funeral director suggested…"

They worked at it for more than an hour and by the end Reid was feeling much more comfortable with his funeral plans. At that point Jenna walked in.

"Hi Aunt J.J." she said cheerfully.

"Hey Jenny Jen," J.J. said and gave her a quick hug. "How's my favorite girl?"

"Okay," she said with her head down.

"I know you must miss your mommy. I am here for you and so is the rest of Daddy's 'team family.' Okay?"

"I know," Jenna said. "Did you bring anything to eat? Everyone who comes here does."

J.J. laughed. "As a matter of fact I did. Have you ever had scones?"

She nodded. "Yep, whenever Daddy goes to the coffee shop he gets one for me."

"Then you must be a scone expert because your Daddy drinks a lot of coffee."

Jenna laughed.

J.J. went a placed the scones in a paper bag in the oven reheat them. She helped Jenna set the table while Reid made coffee. Much like Rossi and Morgan, she kept Jenna entertained as best she could with stories about her sons and the trips they took. Anything to keep Jenna's mind off the sadness for the briefest amounts of time.

There was a sudden knocking on the door. Reid opened it to find Ally Caudel with a suitcase at her feet.

"I got on an early plane in and wanted to see how you were doing before I got to the hotel," she said and then gave him a big hug.

Ally was the opposite of Jane in many ways. Ally was constantly full to the brim with energy where Jane was more laid-back. Ally was something of tomboy compared to Jane. Ally loved the thrill of her job where Jane loved the organization of hers. But they were the best of friends and few things separated them.

She then hugged Jenna.

"I'm so sorry about the loss of Mommy. Just know that you have a whole family coming to look out for you okay?"

Jenna looked at a loss for words as Ally rummaged through her purse. "I brought you something. It's been a while since I've seen you so I thought you'd like this."

She present her with a Barbie doll. A ballerina Barbie doll to be exact. Jenna looked angry. Reid and J.J. saw it but before they could do anything Jenna took the doll and threw it to the ground.

"I DON'T WANT ANY TOYS! I DON'T WANT ANY MORE FOOD. I WANT MY MOMMY BACK!" she screamed and ran back to her room.

Ally stared at them. "Has she been like this the whole time?"

"No," Reid said calmly. "I think she is just getting tired of all the change. I'll go to her."

"Maybe I should have come earlier like I wanted to," Ally said.

Reid doubted seeing a relative who she only saw once every few months would have helped. "I need to go to her," he said and left J.J. and Ally together.

"Go away," Jenna said from buried beneath her blankets.

"Jenna what you did wasn't nice," Reid said softly. "You may be hurting but that doesn't mean you can hurt other people's feelings."

She didn't say anything. Reid sat down on the edge of her bed.

"Jenna it hurts me too. I'd like nothing better than to throw things everywhere, stomp my feet, and tell the world to stop bothering me," Reid said wiping away a tear. "But I can't do that because I know it won't make Mommy come back and I need to be strong for you."

Jenna emerged from the blankets and clung to him.

"I miss her so much Daddy," she said and cried into his arms. Reid held her for a long time as she cried, stroking her hair.

After she ran out of tears, Reid turned to her. "Feeling better?" he asked.

She just nodded.

"Why don't you get dressed? A lot more family members are going to be wandering in soon. Okay?"

She nodded again and Reid closed the door behind him. To his surprise he found Ally in J.J.'s arms.

"It is just going to be so hard without her," Ally sniffled. "She was my older sister who I called at crazy hours and she was always there to listen. She always had something funny to post on my Facebook page when I was feeling down. What am I going to do without her?"

J.J. looked up at Reid. He mouthed the words "thank you" and she understood. J.J. was family to all who knew her.


	17. Chapter 17

Surprise! Two tonight.

Chapter Seventeen:

Jane was laid to rest on a cool August Morning. He wore a suite with a purple tie because Jane loved his purple scarf and Jenna was wearing her floral print Easter dress. He was surprised to see how many people came to the burial site. Her coworkers, relatives, and his team came. To his surprise even Emily Prentiss came. She insisted that she also came to town for work-related reasons.

After the minister said a blessing Reid gave one final speech:

"Jane was the love of my life. She was everything to me. When she died part of me passed away with her. I'll never stop missing her. But I don't think Jane would want me or any of us to stay sad forever. Jane lives on in all of us. She lives on in the stories we tell about her. She lives on in the ways she made us better people. Jane brought so much joy to our lives and that is what we should celebrate. Her life was short but her loving spirit will live forever."

Several people said amen out and he could see more than a few were in tears.

Then people were directed to place red roses, her favorite color, on the coffin. Some kissed it also. Reid and Jenna placed their Roses on the coffin together. People then slowly left for the funeral brunch. Ally offered to take Jenna, and Reid let her. He sat down and took the time to let everything sink in. He still felt like he couldn't let himself cry. Jenna was waiting for him.

"Reid?"

He looked up to see Hotch staring at him.

"Yeah Hotch?"

"Garcia would like for Jenna stay with her and Emily for a slumber party."

"That sounds like fun but I'm not sure Jenna is up for a party."

"Garcia asked her while you were speaking with the funeral directors and she said she liked the idea. She seemed to enjoy the thought of spending some time away from the home where she keeps expecting Jane to return."

"Why not ask me to begin with?"

Hotch placed a hand on his shoulder. "Because you haven't had the time to fully process this alone. I can see it in your eyes Spencer. You're tired. You've been so busy being strong for Jenna that you've forgotten to take care of yourself. Take it from someone who knows. You need to cry this out alone."

"But I'm afraid of how far I will sink."

"Remember what you said then, Reid. Jane is always with you."

…

For the first time in what felt like ages, Reid entered an empty home. Ally had already dropped by earlier to pick up what Jenna needed for her slumber party. After taking off his shoes, Reid wandered around the apartment. On the fridge Jane had started a list of things they needed from the grocery story. They were running low on strawberry jelly. Reid loosened his tie and admired the family portrait they took a few years ago. Jenna was so little back then. Smaller photos surrounded it featuring the trips they took and the birthdays they celebrated. On the side table there was an unfinished crossword puzzled. She had misspelled a word. He finished it in minutes.

He put his suite coat on a chair and wandered into Jenna's room. It was a light shade purple which would turn out to be Jenna's favorite color. Jane preferred red. There were books of various shapes and sized everywhere. In the corner there was a doll house where some of the dolls were on the floor like a game unfinished. It was Jane's favorite thing to do with Jenna where he like to read her stories. He considered putting the pieces back in their places but decided against it. Let the story remain unfinished.

Reid unbuttoned his collar and wandered into the bedroom. He went into the closet and ran his hand across her dresses. He breathed in her scent. Feeling very tired he went back into the bedroom and untucked his shirt. He looked at his side of the bed and then at hers. He went and fell on to her side breathing her scent in.

It came out first in sniffles. Then in waves and heaves. Reid let himself cry. He cried until Jane's pillow was wet. He cried until he felt exhausted and then cried some more. Jenna wasn't there so he wailed as loud as he could. His body shook almost uncontrollably. He let himself be carried away by the grief.

…

It was late in the morning when Reid woke up. He stretched and took a long hot shower. He got dressed slowly and look around his home. He couldn't say he felt any less sad but he didn't feel like he wasn't holding anything back either. This was a relief.


	18. Chapter 18

Thanks for the support!

Chapter Eighteen:

Reid entered his new office for the first time. It was smaller and a little dusty, but it would due. He began to unpack his things. All of Rossi's books on one shelf, and a selection of his favorite criminology books on another. He hung a poster of Einstein on a wall along with a poster of Thomas Merton quotes. Finally he put his office supplies in his desk and his name plate: _Dr. Spencer Reid_ at the front.

An hour later J.J. appeared with Jenna.

"So this is your new office," J.J. said as Jenna went to sit on his chair and spun around in it.

"I know it is not as big as my old one," Reid said. "But I like it."

J.J. looked at the posters. "Your old office is still there if you want it."

"I want to be home for Jenna when she comes home from school every day," he said. "I could have found a sitter of some sort but it would not be the same."

"I know," J.J. said. "I thought I'd try one last time to get you to reconsider."

"I'm just surprised they had a position open this semester," Reid said. "Classes start in two weeks."

" _Professor_ Reid, I am sure Georgetown was eager to have you."

Reid turned slightly red. "Thank you."

J.J. gave him a quick hug. "Good luck."

"Thanks," Reid said.

J.J. left Reid to show Jenna around his new office. As she walked out of the building she felt a stray tear coming down. She quickly wiped it away. She had to trust that Reid would be happy here.

…

"To Derek Morgan, may he inspire loyalty among his agents and bring fear to those who dare to cross his section," Rossi toasted.

Morgan raised his glass. "To Aaron Hotchner, who without whose recommendation I would not be going to New York."

Hotch clapped his hands. "It is very well-deserved Derek. The New York field office is lucky to have you."

There was more clapping and cheers as Reid raised his glass and stood up. "To all of us. No matter where we go let us promise to be a family that stays connected in good times and bad."

Everyone clinked their glasses together and cheered, the loudest among them was Garcia.

"Morgan I swear I am going to visit you every weekend."

Morgan smiled. "I'm going to hold you to that baby-girl. The boys would miss you if you didn't."

He turned to Reid. "So how is teaching pretty-boy? I haven't heard much from you lately in the last three months."

"It is keeping me busy," Reid said. "The hours are steadier but the workload is about the same surprisingly with the class preparation and the grading. Not to mention I am on a tenure-track position so I working on research proposals."

"But are you enjoying it?" J.J. asked.

"I am," Reid said. "They say once you've mastered something the only way to learn more is through teaching. I can never say I mastered what we do but I am learning more about it on a different level."

"Then I am happy for you," J.J. said.

Rossi raised his glass. "To Professor Reid: May he inspire those he teaches, develop camaraderie among his peers, and never forget us."

"Cheers," everyone said together.


	19. Chapter 19

Thanks for the support as always. Remember this was originally part of my Fifty Love Interests for Spencer Reid series. I'm cutting up the chapter.

Chapter Nineteen:

Reid looked at the photo he kept on his desk facing him. He, Jane, and Jenna looked so happy together. His hair was a mess because he had just come from a case but Jane insisted on taking the photo. Jenna looked so small in her kindergarten graduation gown. How quickly time passed.

"Dad!" Jenna shouted.

Reid looked up and remembered what day it was if her soccer uniform wasn't obvious enough.

"I'm sorry, let's get going," he said and quickly grabbed his keys.

"This is a must-win match if we want to make it to the next round," she said impatiently.

"You're only twelve Jenna, you still have plenty of time to develop a depth of athletic skill before you reach your peak performance ability."

She made a face. "You never get it."

"What don't I get?"

"Nothing," she said. "Nothing at all."

Reid sighed and looked at his and Jane's wedding photo on a book case. It was five years just last month.

…

Reid wasn't a fan of soccer. It was too aggressive for his taste but he also didn't like sports in general. But Jenna loved them and Reid tried cheer her on with suggestions for passing formations he memorized from the books he read. He couldn't help but notice lately how she looked embarrassed every time she caught his eye.

He had a hard time following her in the mess of girls with similar hair colors. His mind drifted to the case studies he was grading back at home. One student had an exceptionally strong grasp on the motives of the Riverbend Killer.

Suddenly he heard a chorus of whistles and looked up. Two girls were intertwined and the referees were pulling them apart. To his shock Jenna was one of them. The other girl was already shouting at the refs.

"She started it!" the girl shouted. "She shoved me first."

"You called me a bitch for stealing the ball!" Jenna screeched.

"That is no reason for violence Jen," Reid said as he reached the field.

A woman with red hair in a crisp business suit also appeared. "You shouldn't have retaliated Steph. And that is a bad word to call someone."

"Well she is," Steph said and Jenna would have rushed for if Reid hadn't held her back. "She nearly gave me a black eye mom."

The head referee shook his head. "Both of you are out of the game."

"But she started it!" Steph screamed.

"I don't care you both acted in an unsportsmanlike manner."

"Whatever," Jenna grumbled and ran towards the parking lot.

"Jen!" Reid shouted. He was about to follow her when he caught the eye of the mother.

"I'm sorry about that," he said quickly. "Girls at this age are particularly emotionally volatile at this stage of development."

"Yes I know," she said edgily. "I'm a doctor and your daughter has some serious anger issues."

"I'm a doctor too and your daughter was out of line also," Reid said hotly.

"Well at least she wasn't physical aggressive."

A referee interrupted them. "You three off the field, NOW!"

Reid threw one angry glance back at the woman and took off after Jenna.


	20. Chapter 20

I am cutting #7 down because it was basically the start of a short story. I hope you enjoy. And I hope that I am writing what an angry twelve-year-old sounds like properly.

Chapter Twenty:

" _You don't get me at all!"_

Reid pushed the thought aside as he opened his door for office hours.

" _Even you're yelling at me you doesn't sound normal. None of those parenting books apply here Dad!"_

He picked up a paper from his Criminology 315 class and started to underline spelling errors.

" _You're so clueless. I wish Mom were here!"_

He didn't keep a photo of Jane in this office anymore. It lead to too many awkward questions. He even stopped wearing his wedding ring. The tan line was still there though.

"Hey _Professor_ Pretty-Boy!"

Reid looked up to see Morgan dressed in a sharp suit. He stood up from his chair and smiled.

"Morgan! I didn't know you were in town."

"There is a regional conference this week. I thought I'd drop by and say hello. How's Jenny Jen?"

"She's good," Reid said. "How are Hank and Joshua?"

"They're good," Morgan said. "Now tell me how Jen is really doing. You know you can't lie to profiler or a friend."

Reid sat down and Morgan sat is his chair reserved for students. He sighed.

"Jen got in a fight during a soccer match. We had a bigger argument at home."

"Girls are tough I hear," Morgan said. "I consider myself lucky to have boys."

"Girls mature at a different rate and it usually involves—"

Morgan raised his hand. "I get it. So how did you punish her?"

"She's grounded for a month and the coach gets to decide what to do about her position on the team."

"Sounds fair."

"She didn't think so. I had to order her to her room," Reid said and suddenly felt extremely tired. He rubbed his ring finger.

"How am I going to do this without her Morgan?"

Morgan patted him on the back.

"You'll find a way buddy. You always have."

…

Morgan was growing bored at the cocktail hour hosted by a conference head. People liked to talk to him because of his department's case closure rate. All he wanted to do was go hang out with Reid and find out more about what happened to his sweet god daughter.

"I swear she was like an animal," he heard a woman say loudly. "She acted more like she was at a wrestling match than a soccer game."

Fights and soccer. An odd coincidence, Morgan thought and decided to move closer.

"And the father. The father acted like he'd never seen his daughter like that. That man is in some serious trouble."

Morgan approached the woman. "I'm Derek Morgan, head of the New York BAU office."

"I know who you are Mr. Morgan," she said and offered her hand. "I've read your casefiles. I'm Dr. Addison Rayburn. Deputy Director of recruitment for the FBI."

"So your daughter plays in the middle school Division II?"

"And how do you know that?" she said guardedly.

"Because the girl your daughter was fighting is my god daughter."

The people who Rayburn was speaking with stared at them.

She didn't blink. "I don't see how this concerns you Mr. Morgan."

"I don't see how this would be of interest to anybody. That father isn't here to defend himself or his daughter."

A woman with a pixie cut moved next to Rayburn. "Addison is my best friend I haven't seen her in a long time," she said evenly. "The safety of her daughter interests me."

"I highly doubt Dr. Rayburn's daughter was in any serious danger as there were coaches and refs there."

"You didn't see the look in the girl's eyes," Rayburn said. "It was dangerous."

Morgan wanted to strangle the woman. A man with a thick beard butted in. "So Sophia what can you tell about the latest biological threats?"

The conversation quickly changed and Morgan drifted away. Rayburn followed him.

"That girl started it," she said angrily.

"She was provoked by your daughter," Morgan said. "I spoke with the father at lunch."

"So you consider yourself unbiased opinion?"

"Ma'am I was just sticking up for my friend. You would have done the same."

"I would have minded my own business," Rayburn said.

"Then why did you tell all those people about your personal life?" Morgan said with annoyance.

"Mel is a good friend of mine, I wasn't expecting a crowd to gather."

Morgan was tired of talking to this woman. "Fine, have a good evening Dr. Rayburn."

Rayburn simply turned away without acknowledging him.

…

The next day Morgan met Hotch for lunch.

"So I hear you got in a fight with Addison Rayburn," Hotch said conversationally.

"How do you know about that?"

"Because Rayburn was complaining to my secretary about how the rude New York head was before our meeting. The director wants us both to do some joint recruiting."

"Why are you being asked to do it? The deputy director of the entire agency!"

"It's only for Georgetown and a few other top-tier schools," Hotch said.

"Reid will be happy to see you but Rayburn, that woman is a shrew," Morgan said shaking his head.

"Who happens to be very good at her job. Her employment initiatives have contributed significantly to a rise in our enrollment of high quality candidates."

"Reid is having a hard time with Jen these days."

"I hadn't heard that," Hotch said. "I haven't been able to stay in touch with Reid as much as I'd like to. J.J. is also very busy with her new position as section chief."

"Is the budget getting any looser so that she isn't doing the job of two section heads?"

Hotch shook his head. "I'm afraid not. The same goes for Garcia. I don't think she enjoys doing her technical work from the NSA headquarters."

Then it hit Morgan. "So no one has really had time to look in on Reid."

"He did shut us out in some ways Morgan. Her death was so sudden," Hotch said.

"I know, he told me he switched grocery stores after she died."

They didn't speak for a few minutes.

"I'm going to invite him and Jen over for dinner next week."

"I'm inviting them to see me in New York during Jen's next break. No boring museums this time for Reid."


	21. Chapter 21

Reid was at his wit's end. He had to turn down a dinner invitation from Hotch because Jen was suspended from school for fighting and he wasn't letting her have any sort of fun. Jen kept claiming she was being provoked when by all other accounts she was the bully. He didn't know what to do. Their arguments were so loud the neighbors knocked on his door. Her therapist kept saying it was just a phase. Reid hadn't felt this combination of anger and sadness in years.

"Where's Aaron Hotchner?" was Reid's immediate response was when he saw the mother of the girl Jen fought on the soccer field.

"Emergency meeting," she said briskly.

She put down a stack of folders and offered her hand.

"Dr. Addison Rayburn. I'm sorry we got off to the wrong foot a few weeks ago."

Reid waved his hand. "I'm a germaphobic. I'm Dr. Spencer Reid. I'm sorry also."

"I didn't know you were an agent for the FBI."

Reid was in no mood for pleasantries. "Would it have made any difference as to what you said to me?"

Rayburn ignored the comment. "Why did you leave? You were one of the top agents at the time."

"My wife died suddenly. Does that add depth to your assessment for the reasons for my daughter's aggression?"

Rayburn stared at him. Reid ignored her and walked over to the podium to turn on the projector.

"I read up on you too Dr. Rayburn. You were one of top research psychologists in your field until you offered your skills to the FBI. Why did you leave Advanced Neurologic Innovations two years ago?"

"The hours were crazy and I was going through a messy divorce," she said defensively. "Does that give any psychological insight as to why my daughter was verbally aggressive?"

Reid looked up. "Not really. A child can learn to adapt to situations and form normal behaviors."

"Then how does that explain your daughter's actions?"

Reid had half a mind to order Rayburn to leave. But he knew that would not look good for his tenure review assessment.

"Do you have a USB drive you need to plug in?" Reid asked.

"So are you. Your daughter needs serious help," Rayburn said.

Reid had never met such a rude woman in his life.

"She is getting help. Now can we get back to the recruitment session?"

"Fine," she said huffily. "Yes I do have a flash drive…"

They exchanged one-word answers for the rest of the session.

…

"Hello _Addison,_ " Steph said as she got in the car.

"It is mom and always will be mom Stephanie," Rayburn said she pulled away from the school.

"Talia says I can call her whatever I want including mom."

"Talia is barely old enough to be your mother."

"I'm telling dad you badmouthed her again."

"Go ahead, see if I care," Rayburn said through gritted teeth.

"Maybe dad can use it when refiles to get full custody of me," she said.

Rayburn knew Steph was saying this to try to get a rise out of her. To get her to explode. Steph hated living with her because she was the stereotypical strict parent. Rayburn ignored her.

"I'm doing poorly in math again this term. I think I'd be doing much better if I lived with Dad as he has all the math brains you used to say."

"I'll hire you a tutor."

"But that will cost extra money."

"I'll dip into my savings if I have to."

"What happens when it runs out because of all the classes I keep flunking?"

"I made a lot of money at my former job and I am investing it wisely enough to afford you tutors straight through college."

"You sound really tense mom. Is the stress of raising me affecting your health?"

Steph was clearly either doing her homework or getting coached on the subject of pushing her buttons.

"I am as healthy as can be Steph."

Finally the drive ended. Steph leaped out of the car and unlocked the door with her key before Rayburn could even grab her purse.

…

"I HATE YOU!" Jen shouted before slamming her door shut.

Reid had just turned down Morgan's invitation to go down to New York. It wasn't easy but Reid was angry. She was being rude to the sitter Reid made her stay with during her suspension. He tried having a heart-to-heart about missing mom but she merely plugged her ears.

He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't deal with it. It was too hard and it hurt so much. He dialed a number he hadn't dialed in years and rubbed his chip.


	22. Chapter 22

Thanks for the support!

Chapter Twenty-Two

Rayburn felt slightly embarrassed being seen at such a meeting. She didn't belong here in a dank room that smelled like stale coffee. She was better than all of them. She had half a mind to turn away but the she saw him.

He looked more at ease in the room. As he came closer she noticed big circles under his eyes. His tie was crooked. He looked as tired as she felt.

Rayburn took the initiative. "We meet again Dr. Reid," she said somberly.

"I had a feeling I might see you here. Our schools are so close."

"Will that be a problem?" she asked tightly.

"No. I am only here for help with my daughter. I honestly don't care why you're here."

"Well so am I, so your presence doesn't bother me either."

The last two seats left were facing each other in the circle. They purposely looked avoided looking at each other.

A woman with short graying hair stood up to speak.

"My name is Dr. Gina Carlin. To those who are new to our group, welcome. This is a judgement-free zone where we discuss the unique issues we each face as parents and/or guardians. Who would like to start?"

A woman named Samantha began to speak about the difficulties of raising her child adopted from Russia. She spoke about how difficult it was to relate to her. Other parents offered support and comforting words. Some even shared stories of similar struggles.

Next was a man named Brenden, spoke about the difficulties of raising two kids as a single divorced dad. He described his frustrations over his wife's lack involvement despite still living only a few miles away.

Neither Reid nor Rayburn offered any input. They were both too busy not staring at each other while lost in their own thoughts.

It was Reid's turn to speak.

"My name is Spencer and my wife died suddenly five years ago. My daughter is twelve years old. Despite my best efforts and intentions, she had turned into a bully. She doesn't respect authority and verbal therapy isn't working as well as I hoped. I keep asking her if it has to do with losing Mom and she won't talk to me about it."

A person raised her hand.

"Do you think she'd open up to another member of the family? Maybe an aunt or an uncle even?"

"Her only aunt lives in New Mexico and the members of definition of family are very busy."

Another person raised their hand.

"If your family cares about you, maybe one might be able to help you. It never hurts to ask."

Reid nodded. "Thank you I'll consider that." He then took his seat.

Rayburn could not stop staring at Reid after that. Reid avoided her gaze. This man was clearly lost. It wasn't his fault that his daughter was acting this way. He didn't have the support system he needed. He was lost and afraid to seek out the help he needed. Kind of like her in some ways.

Someone coughed. Rayburn looked around and realized it was her turn.

"My name is Addison and I hate my ex," she said bluntly. "We constantly fought when were married. It took us nine years to realize we shouldn't be living together and were hurting our daughter Stephanie. The divorce papers were officially signed two years ago.

My daughter is twelve and hates me. She worships the ground my ex walks on because he lets her have whatever she wants. He has a girlfriend he plans on marrying in two months and wants to refile for full custody."

A man raised his hand.

"I know what that's like," he said. "My oldest son likes his step father more than me. We're currently fighting over how my son is getting a car I can't afford to give him."

Rayburn let out a short laugh. "I can't wait until that conversation comes up."

Others offered advice and suggested services to her. She appreciated their input but more than anything it felt good to say what she'd been feeling in a judgement free environment.

When she sat down she notice Reid was now staring intensely at her. His eyes were full sympathy. She looked like she felt: Hungry for a connection.

Others spoke at the meeting but neither paid any attention. They were both lost in each other's eyes. Rayburn noticed how good he looked in the sense that she guessed he probably looked a good five years younger than he actually was. His hair was a little too long for a man his age but it probably looked perfectly at home on a college campus. Rayburn could see from the way the corners of his mouth twitched that maybe he was admiring her too. There was a level of mutual attraction.

The meeting concluded and they both got up at the same time. They both stared at each other for another second. Rayburn turned away and then turned to see that Reid had done the same. She didn't look his direction again.

It couldn't work. Rayburn wasn't interested in another relationship. She tried to brush any thoughts of attract away as she got in her car. She knew she wasn't entirely successful.


	23. Chapter 23

Thanks for the support?

Chapter Twenty-Three

J.J. welcomed Reid with a hug in the cafeteria.

"Sorry we couldn't eat somewhere nice," she said. "I have another meeting in an hour. It has been crazy around here."

"It's okay," he said. "I doubt the cafeteria food has gotten any better or worse since I left."

They grabbed their meals and sat down. "So what did you want to talk about?"

"Jenna," Reid said with a sigh. "She's been acting out a lot lately and I don't know what to do."

"I'm sorry," J.J. said. "I should have started with asking about Jenna. So how is she acting out?"

"She is getting into fights constantly, both physical and verbal. I know it has something to with missing Jane but she won't open up to me about it."

"I'm so sorry. How long has this been going on?" she asked.

"About two months. It only go physical in the last five weeks."

"Spence! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you're so busy lately J.J." Reid said. "One of us is always canceling our Sunday brunches. You and your boys have their own schedules that don't match mine and Jenna's."

J.J. put a hand on his wrist. "But I'll make the time now. All you had to do was ask."

"You know it is not always that easy for me or any of us."

J.J. sighed. "I know. I know."

…

"Cheers to a civil conversation," Rayburn said.

Her ex-husband Dean clinked his glass with hers. "Cheers."

Dean took a sip and then asked: "So what brought about this meeting? You and I have barely spoken in the last three months."

"I've been thinking about that. We really need to get on better terms especially since you're getting married soon," she said.

"And I still want full custody of Stephanie," Dean said.

"I know I can't say anything to change your mind at this point" Rayburn said. "But I do think we need to get along a little better for the sake of Stephanie."

"So what do you want Addison?" he asked.

She sighed. "I'm tired of playing the wicked strict mom in her eyes. I want—"Rayburn stood up. "I'm sorry I thought I could do this but I can't. What do I owe you for the wine?"

Dean placed a hand on her arm. "What do you want Addison? I'm willing to listen."

She tentatively took a seat. "I want her to respect my authority. When she is grounded from seeing her friends outside of school, I don't want to find out that Talia took her and her friends to the movies. She thinks none of the punishment apply to her to when she goes to spend the weekend with you."

Dean looked at her intently. "Why didn't you tell me Addison? I would have set up some more strict boundaries."

She leaned in. "I've been trying but my emails never seem to get to you. You also never have time to talk when I drop Steph off."

Dean cursed. "My secretary. She automatically deletes emails from you. I thought I told her to knock that off."

Rayburn looked like she wanted to say something but bit her lip.

"I know you think all women are attracted to me and will do anything for me," he said with a roll of his eyes. "Trust me, Miranda's getting her final warning over this."

He touched her arm again. Rayburn looked into his clear blue eyes.

"I never intended to make your life miserable Addy," he said softly. "I just want what's best for Steph."

"Okay then," she said.

…

Jenna and J.J. knocked the soccer ball around the empty court. A junior team had an away game this week so they had the court to themselves.

Jenna dribbled the ball. "So how did Dad manage to get you out the BAU long enough to have a 'heart-to-heart' with me."

"He simply asked," J.J. said stealing the ball. "He's worried about you, you know."

"He has a funny way of showing it," she said stealing the ball from J.J. "My friends are betting that I'll get grounded at least five more times before Christmas."

"And you want to see if you can get more punishment?" J.J. asked.

"No, I just wish he'd lighten up a little," she said aiming the ball.

"He wishes you would fight a little less," J.J. said.

Jenna missed. "People make me angry and I don't know what to do about it. And don't give me that shrink BS about taking your aggressions out elsewhere and talking it out. It doesn't work."

J.J. stole the ball. "Does anything work aside from using your fists?"

"I don't know," she said. "Getting angry just feels better than being sad."

J.J. aimed the ball. "It is okay to be sad. People expect kids to act a certain way and respond to punishment but none of that works sometimes."

J.J. shot the ball into the net. "Tell me what's really going on Jen?" she asked looking directly inter her eyes.

Jenna averted hers. "Dad always thinks it's about mom but there is actually a boy…"

…

J.J. returned with Jenna two hours later. Jenna immediately ran to her room.

"Are you going to tell me what you guys talked about?" he asked.

"Girl stuff," she said simply. "I gave her my number and made her promise to call me once a week. Not as therapy session but as a way to get stuff off her chest."

Reid gave her a hug. "Thank you."

"No, thank you. It feels good to have a sister-like relationship."


	24. Chapter 24

Thanks for the support!

Chapter 24:

Reid was packing up after class when one of his students approached him.

"Dr. Reid, I lost that booklet of information Dr. Rayburn gave out," she said nervously. "I know it was irresponsible of me to lose it but I tripped one day and my stuff went—"

"It's okay Annabel," Reid said. "I'll have Rayburn's office send over another copy."

"Thank you!" she said gratefully.

…

The next day he was surprised to see none other than Addison Rayburn with the booklet during his office hours.

"You didn't have to come out here," he said instantly standing up.

"No, I wanted to," she said almost nervously. "This felt like a good excuse to get out of the office for a little while. I remembered Annabel Lee. She seemed very bright and I was looking forward to hearing from her."

"She is among my top five students," Reid said.

"I'm glad you called my office then," she said.

There was an awkward pause where neither would look each other in the eye.

"How is—"Rayburn started.

"If you don't mind—"Reid said at the same time.

They both stopped and breathed. Reid spoke next.

"My daughter is doing better. If don't mind my asking, how is yours?"

"She's doing better too," Rayburn said. "Respecting rules more. My ex and I are being more civil than we have been three years."

"I think I misread my daughter," Reid said sitting down and Rayburn did the same. "I think I miss my wife more than she does and what is bothering her is more immediate. My friend won't tell me but I am beginning to think it might be a boy."

Rayburn couldn't help but laugh. "You are in real trouble if it is a boy. My Stephanie doesn't think much of the boys in her class."

"Which is why I think he is older than her," Reid said. "I am letting my friend take care of it but I made her promise that if it was a serious issue she would tell me."

"At the meeting you said something about what 'you call family' so are you referring to someone from your old team?"

Reid couldn't help but smile. "You pick up quickly."

Rayburn turned slightly red. "Your team is a bit of an anomaly. There was a very low turnover rate with that team for a number of years. I studied your case history to understand what made you such a cohesive unit. I had a suspected it might be something deeper."

"Would you like my input?"

"Yes, that would be helpful," she said.

"We became a full family unit," he said. "I don't have much family so Derek Morgan became something of an older brother to me. He is my daughter's godfather. Aaron Hotchner, Jason Gideon, and David Rossi provided mentorship on a paternal level. Jennifer Jareau, Penelope Garcia, and I developed a sibling relationship and I became the godfather to Jareau's first son."

"Why didn't I see that?" Rayburn said thoughtfully. "I had no way to connect god parents."

"When we fell apart we also picked each other up together," Reid added with a touch of emotion. "I was never alone when I worked with them."

"So do you miss it?" Rayburn asked suddenly.

"Sometimes, but the team has spread apart," he said with a note sadness. "It wouldn't be the same and I have Jenna to look after."

"I get that," she said.

"What about you?" he asked. "Do you miss working in a lab?"

"Sometimes," she admitted. "I miss the thrill of new discoveries and working with raw data all the time. But there is more inspection of elements I can't predict or fully understand like how your team stayed together for all those years."

"I didn't know my team was that fascinating," Reid said.

"It is just I never put names to subjects," Rayburn admitted. "I don't have a memory for names just, statistics."

There was the sound of students rushing through the hallways. Reid looked at his watch and sighed.

"I guess office hours are over. I'll give the booklet to Anabel the next time I see her."

"Thanks," Rayburn said.

"Your welcome. Thank you for dropping by."

"It was my pleasure."

There was another awkward pause. Reid spoke up.

"Are you going to another meeting?"

"I think so. I could use some support with my next custody battle. You?"

"I'm afraid of how to deal with Jenny growing up. So I guess I'll be there."

"Great," Rayburn said. "I'll see you then."

"Goodbye," Reid said with a slight wave.

As Reid shut his door and began to pick up his things all he could think of was the fact that her reaction was "great" to see him again. And why did he feel the same way? It was going to be "great," to see her again.

…

Rayburn looked at Reid's case reports more closely when she got back. She never connected his name to any of these statistics of marksmanship or heroic achievement to the father of the girl who started a fight with her daughter. She had only skimmed the surface of who Spencer Reid was.

She also kept asking herself why her response was "great," to he was coming. It was great but why did she use that word in front of him? It was going to be an interesting experience seeing him again after that reaction.


	25. Chapter 25

I realize that this story is becoming huge so a quick summary: Reid met his wife on Pi day and marries her about a year later. They have a child, named Jenna together. His wife dies when Jenna is around seven. Reid quits the BAU to teach at Georgetown. It is now five years later and Reid is considering another relationship. Please feel free to review other chapters.

Chapter Twenty-Five

"I must be behaving a like a good girl," Jenna said on the way to Garcia's. "First dinner at Aunt Penelope's and next week you're letting me stay over-night at a friend's house on a _school night_. You should have sent me to talk to Aunt J.J. ages ago."

"Maybe I should have. Ms. Long said it will be a study night and you're being sent to the guest room at ten. Don't forget she is a light sleeper."

"And single," she said with a grin.

Reid nearly stopped the car. "What?"

"Come on, Dad. She work in the Smithsonian, around your age, and Tess would make a great step-sister."

"What makes you think I'd be interested in another relationship?"

"Dad it's been five years. Don't you get lonely?"

"I have you."

"But you what I mean," she said with a broad smile.

"I am not having this conversation with you," he said keeping his eyes firmly on the road as his face turned red.

Jenna laughed the whole way to Garcia's.

…

"Does she have a natural talent for reading micro expressions?" Reid said picking at his dinner with Hotch. "It can't be a pure coincidence."

"I'm more inclined to think it has more to do with her age," Hotch said. "She is thinking about boys so she is starting to wonder about how you must feel being single."

Reid groaned. "Boys. I finally learned the name of the kid. His name is Tom and was high school freshman who tutored Jen's best friend. He broke her heart. I now understand what paternal rage is."

Hotch couldn't stop himself from grinning. "Thankfully J.J. was there to get Jenna to open up about it."

Reid nodded. "I'm finally taking the African proverb 'It takes a village to raise a child,' to heart."

"No matter how busy we may seem Spencer, we will always be there for you."

"Thanks Hotch," Reid said.

"Now back to your relationship question. Jenna's openness might help you open your heart up."

"It is a little more complicated than that."

"How so?"

Reid bit his lip. "I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it. I always thought Jane would be the only woman in my life.

"I felt that way for a long time too Reid," Hotch said. "But eventually you learn that it is okay to love again. I'm sure it is what Jane would have wanted."

"I know but is harder to put that feeling into action."

"It takes time and courage Reid. You just have to take the first step."

…

Rayburn pulled down the visor and looked at mirror. She was about to pull out lipstick but then decided against it. Since when did she care about how she looked that much? Rayburn knew why but she wasn't ready to admit it to herself. She snapped the visor shut and hurried out of her car.

Reid was already seated when she arrived. He smiled briefly at her and she returned it but neither said a word. She purposely took a seat twos space away from him.

Rayburn briefly glanced at him when she got up to speak. She and her ex were on better speaking terms. But now Stephanie was even angrier at her since the rules were being enforced at both homes. She discussed how she was more afraid than ever of losing her.

Reid briefly glanced at her when he got up. He spoke about how he managed to through a friend discover the source of Jenna's anger. It was because a boy a few years older than her broke her heart. He discussed how blindsided he felt by the revelation and his further fears about his daughter growing up.

When the meeting concluded both got up and slowly approached each other.

Reid spoke first.

"Would you like to get a better cup of coffee?" he asked.

"I have the sitter booked for another hour, so sure," she said.

"Great," Reid said. "There's a place a couple blocks down if you feel like walking together rather than driving."

"I'd like that," she said.

They walked out together and didn't say much aside from comment on how cold the weather was getting.

Once they got in the shop they ordered their drinks and then sat down at a table in the corner. Neither were ready to speak. They just sipped their coffee and looked into each other eyes. Rayburn finally laughed.

"I wasn't this nervous on my first date," she said.

"I don't know what to think," he said. "My daughter just announced she was okay with me dating again so long as it was her friend's mother."

She laughed. "She is very picky then. My daughter I think wants me to date a con artist to make the case for my ex winning custody better."

He suddenly looked sad. "Well what could make it better than the father of the daughter who beat her up once?"

Reid suddenly stood up. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have invited—"

Rayburn grabbed his hand. "Spencer, no. We're both adults. We're entitled to our feelings."

"But they'd kill us if they knew," he argued.

"They're not here now, so let's enjoy our coffee together," she said firmly.

He slowly sat down. "What if this leads to something?"

"Let's find out together," she said. "Now tell me something about yourself I don't know from your casefiles."

"I like soap operas," he said. "Now you tell me something I wouldn't be able to guess about you."

"I collect barbies and still do. My collection is so massive…"


	26. Chapter 26

Thanks for the support! I plan on writing again tonight for those waiting on pins and needles.

Chapter Twenty-Six

"I think there is a woman in Reid's life," J.J. said after sipping her drink.

Morgan had invited her family to New York for the weekend. Her boys were at an arcade with Will and Morgan's kids. J.J. and Morgan were taking the time to catch up.

"So what makes you say that?"

"The usual, him being a little more secretive. When I drop by with Jenna early he always acts a little too surprised."

"Why do you think he'd keep it a secret from us this time around?" Morgan asked.

"Because of Jenna," she said. "She doesn't stop talking about how she'd love for him to be dating this Alicia Long woman but I don't think it is her."

"So long do you think before he'll let it slip?" he said with a grin.

"I don't know but I can't imagine too long. No matter who the woman is, he has to tell Jenna at some point."

…

"The faculty is beginning think I am a ghost the way I don't eat with them much these days," Reid said over the phone.

"I know," Rayburn said. "I rarely schedule lunch meetings these days and I hope it isn't raising any red flags."

"I think my former team is starting to suspect something, especially J.J. She keeps grinning at me at random times."

"I think my colleagues are starting to pick up on something too but we're getting off topic now. The quarter finals are this weekend. We need keep emphasizing that our kids need to be civil to each other."

"Jenna is already getting sick of hearing me say it. She is promising me that she hasn't learned any new wrestling moves or how to throw a better punch."

"I know how you feel. Steph keeps saying that she knows now to keep her thoughts to herself. But we need them to be civil in the match if we have any hope of telling them without their heads exploding."

"Did you know that spontaneous combustion is generally considered a myth and has yet—"

"You know I hate it when you switch to science babble when you're nervous."

"I can't help it. I'll see you Saturday."

"Goodbye."

…

The match was played on chilly November morning. Jenna was ready for the match and practiced with her teammates with vigor. She had no idea what was at stake.

As Reid paced the length of the field he noticed J.J. approaching him with a broad smile on her face. Reid looked more closed and realized she wasn't alone. Approaching from behind were was Hotch carrying a pair of chairs next to Rossi. Then behind them to his complete shock was Morgan and his kids.

Reid rushed to hug J.J. and Jenna wasn't far behind.

"What are you guys doing here?" he asked.

"Well it's the quarter final match," J.J. said. "We thought you'd like some extra support."

Jenna was hugging Morgan.

"You guys really didn't need to come out and see me play," she said.

"We wanted to Jenny."

Reid looked to Rossi and Hotch. "You really didn't have to come. It's cold out."

"Kid I've always love soccer and it's been a while since I've seen a game," Rossi said.

"Okay," Jenna said nervously. "I need to get back." She rushed down to the field. Reid could see a huge smile on her face.

"Thank you," he whispered into J.J.'s ear.

"Everyone loved the idea," J.J. said.

…

The first half was full of cheering. The loudest coming from Reid's former team. Phrases like: "Go Jenny go!" "Pass it, pass it!" and "Keep at it!" A few nasty comments from other parents were thrown in especially aimed at Stephanie Rayburn, but Reid's group drowned them out.

At one point Jenna and Steph were fighting for the ball. Reid could see Stephanie saying something to Jenna. Jenna only said a few words but then it happened.

It felt like he was watching it in slow motion. Stephanie tripped her and then in one swift motion, punched her in the nose.

There was the screaming of whistles and rushing of feet. Reid, followed by his former team, ran to his daughter who was still on the ground. Stephanie was screaming.

"She said she has more family than me here!"

"She said I have a crazy-looking family," Jenna whimpered. Her nose was bleeding.

Reid could scream.

A medic was examining Jenna. "It's not broken, but she's out of the game."

Stephanie's coach was red with rage. "You're out of the game too. I don't ever want to see you on my team again."

"But she provoked me! She offended my family!"

"I hate to state obvious Stephanie, but you started it!"

"Everyone off the field, NOW," A ref. shouted.

Rayburn was shaking with rage. She approached her daughter. Steph pushed her hard.

"I hate you! I wish I was in Acapulco with Dad and Talia," she said and ran.

Reid pulled out of the crowd and stared at Rayburn.

"Now whose daughter is out of control?" he said spitefully.

"Your daughter couldn't keep her mouth shut," she spat back.

"She was defending her family!"

"She could have done it by not letting herself get provoked," Rayburn said.

Hotch stepped between them.

"That's enough from both of you," he said authoritatively. "Why don't you both attend to your daughters?"

They both glared at each other one last time and then Reid rushed back to his daughter and Rayburn ran outright.

Jenna was being moved off the field. "I don't ever want to see that bitch again," she said angrily.

Reid didn't respond. He felt tears growing his eyes as he stroked his daughter's hair.


	27. Chapter 27

Thanks for the support.

Chapter Twenty-Seven:

Stephanie didn't say anything to her rest of the weekend. Rayburn spent a good hour next to her bedroom door fruitlessly begging for her to talk. She left meals at her door and Stephanie grabbed them before she could say a word. On Sunday she once rushed past her to get to the bathroom. It was a miserable experience.

Rayburn next tried to get ahold of her ex. He had left explicit instructions that he was not be interrupted unless it was an emergency. She thought this qualified as an emergency but she got no answer at first. Finally after her third phone call to his cell, fourth text, and second call to the hotel lobby, she got a text just after dinner: "Deal with it when I get home." She could scream.

She was about to bury her head under her pillow for the night when she got a second text. It was from Reid. It was just a time: "6:30"

Rayburn didn't let her think about Reid because she was afraid if she did would burst into tears in front of Stephanie. She quickly texted a friend to pick up Stephanie in the morning. She then tacked a note to Stephanie's door and placed an extra one in front of her door along with a box of Pop tarts and a banana. Setting her alarm on high, Rayburn finally let herself relax as much as she could while not knowing what the outcome could be.

…

She couldn't help but check her hair and her makeup in the mirror this time. Her nerves were on fire. The halls were completely vacant. The light was on in his office. She knocked twice.

Then he appeared. He was already dressed for class in a suit and tie. They didn't say anything at first.

"Hi," she finally said softly.

"Hi," he said and gestured for her to come in.

"So how is Jenna," she asked.

"She's has a massive bruise but other than that she is going to be okay."

Rayburn paced around nervously. "Who won the game?"

"Jenna's team. They were a little relentless and a few girls got red cards."

"That's not surprising," she said.

Finally she raised her hands wide. "Spencer why did you text me? Why am I here?"

"I think you're here because you don't want this to end. I don't think I want to end this either."

"But our kids hate each other!" she said. "This would look great in the divorce deposition. I am dating the guy whose daughter beat up mine."

"But then yours punched mine. Your daughter has serious anger issues that I don't think you can control."

"I know," Rayburn said. "She's doing all of this to make a case that she should live with Dean and Talia. Maybe I should just let her," she said bursting into tears.

"Addison, do you really think that is what's best for her?" Reid said gently, "And you?"

"No, but I'm fighting an uphill battle," she cried.

"Addison I think I'm crazy but I think I want to make this work."

Slowly wheels began to spin in Rayburn's mind.

"The rage you showed towards me on the field, that wasn't real was it?"

"Some of it was," he admitted. "But most of it was false."

"To throw your team's attention off of us," she said.

He nodded and tears formed. "I can't stand your daughter for what she did, but you make me feel things I haven't felt in years, I enjoy your company. You make me feel, feel—"

Rayburn kissed him. He kissed her back with such intensity that she forgot to breath. His hands flew into her hair and undid her neat bun. She stroked his (it was softer than she imagined). It was agreed upon that they were crazy, crazy in love.

A little while later they finally they put themselves back together.

"Is there lipstick on my collar?" he asked.

"No," she said. "Does my hair look okay?"

"It looks perfect."

They were back on awkward silent terms.

"So where do go from here?" Reid asked.

"Some place more comfortable," Rayburn suggested with a grin.

"You know what I mean," he said.

"When is the next time Jenna is staying overnight somewhere?"

"The Smithsonian next weekend."

"Dean has Steph that weekend."

"So let's make plans to discuss things."

"And more," Rayburn said with an idiotic grin.

Reid smiled in return. "We'll find away, Addison. We have to."

"Agreed," Rayburn said.


	28. Chapter 28

Thanks for the great reviews! You have given me a lot to think about. One comment to address: Rossi is getting up in age which is why Hotch brought a chair.

Chapter Twenty-Eight:

Reid and Rayburn agreed not talk to each other all week. Rayburn scheduled a lunch date on Wednesday with Mel, who worked in the press office for the CIA.

"This place seemed like the ideal place to have a secret meeting," Rayburn said as they ate their salads in the food court.

"And there I was hoping you'd take me out to some place with a better view," Mel said.

"We need to discuss why I'm still dating a guy with a daughter mine fights."

"How good is the sex?" Mel asked bluntly.

Rayburn nearly spat out her water.

"What makes you think we've crossed that line romantically?"

"I didn't, I just guessed. There had to be an element of physical chemistry involved."

She lowered her voice. "We did it in his office this past Monday."

"You're acting like school girl you know," Mel said. "I can see it in your eyes. This is partly a game to you."

Rayburn sighed. "I know. What is wrong with me?"

"When did you stop sharing a bed with Dean, three years ago and how long has Spencer's wife been dead?"

"Five. I swear this isn't a game Mel it just feels like it at times."

"And the stakes couldn't be higher," Mel pointed out.

"What do I do?"

"You really think there are any easy answers to that question?"

"No, but I would mind a few hints."

"I don't suppose being straight with the kids in an option," Mel said picking out croutons in her salad.

"No. I have divorce hearing in February and a relationship like this isn't going to look good."

"What about mediation?"

"Dean would never go for it."

"A judge might think differently."

Rayburn pinched the bridge of her nose. "What about Stephanie? I know she is being superbly uncooperative but I still feel bad putting her in a home situation with Jenna because of their mutual disdain for each other."

"I hear kids can adapt to change," she said. "Have you told her therapist anything?"

"No, I can't imagine what her reaction would be."

"Frankly I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, but if I were I'd see how serious Spencer was about the relationship and then consider telling the therapist a hypothetical situation."

"I think I like that idea."

"Just don't blame me then if it explodes."

…

That same night Reid was staring at his computer screen thoughtfully.

"I just don't know what do," Reid said. "What Stephanie did was terrible. How do I make my daughter consider the idea of living with her?"

"Stop defining Stephanie as that person," Alex Blake said. "She sounds like an angry girl with little control over her future."

"Do you think she sees how she's trying to manipulate her mother with these stunts?"

"It sounds like she doesn't care. She's just desperate for control."

Reid sighed. "How does this end Blake? I like Addison. I don't like what her daughter does but I am sure deep down she is a sweet kid."

"You know there a no easy answers to that question. I'd suggest talking to her therapist about the idea of you moving on."

"I can't imagine her reaction."

"Then maybe wait until you can. You haven't known Addison that long. You still have time before the custody hearing to sort out your feelings."

Reid thought for a moment. "I think I'll try that. Thanks Blake."

"There really isn't anyone closer to you both personally and in proximity that you couldn't confide in?" Blake said.

"The team is like family in both good and bad ways. News travels fast and I am just not ready for them to find out about this."

"Then I'll always be there for you Spencer. I can't wait to guest-lecture at Georgetown in this Spring Semester."

"Thanks Blake."

…

Reid saw Jenna to Long's door. After giving him a quick hug she ran in to find Aria. Felecia Long had shoulder-length light brown and always had a casual grace about her. Reid could see where Jenna might think they'd be compatible.

"Thanks for arranging this whole trip," he said. "Jenna can't stop talking about it."

"You're welcome," she said. "I am glad to have the girls explore the Smithsonian for a couple days. It is going to be quite a party with their other friends."

"Thanks for also driving them in. I don't mind driving just don't like—"

"The traffic at this hour," she said. "I know how you feel. But that isn't a problem."

They stood in silence for a moment.

"You know how you could make it up to me though," she said with a broad smile. "Take me out to dinner next week."

Reid looked shocked. "Sure. Where would you like to go?"

"Your choice," she said. "Surprise me."

…

Rayburn was careful to park in a lot one block from Reid apartment. She carried a small overnight bag with her. She took the back stair case to his apartment. It was around nine o'clock when she gently knocked on his door.

"Hi," he said softly and moved back to let her in.

"Hey," she said as she entered. "So what are the odds of a former team member showing up and wanting to hang out?"

"I told J.J. to tell everyone I was locking myself in to work on term papers. Do you have an 'alibi'?"

"I'm staying with my friend Mel."

"I am going out on a date with the mother of Jenna's best friend," Reid said suddenly.

"Sounds like a good cover story," Rayburn said.

Reid faced her. "What if it turns into something more?"

"Then this was fun while it lasted," she said and kissed him.

"We're still going to talk about the possibility of there being more to us right?"

"Of course," she said as she began to unbutton his shirt. "But tonight can we act wild, single, and desperately in love?" She began to massage his chest.

"For tonight yes," he said and kissed her.


	29. Chapter 29

Thanks for the support!

Chapter Twenty-Nine:

"I admit Spencer, I did not suspect you were a Japanese cuisine lover," Felicia said digging into her sesame chicken.

"I'm not actually," Reid said. "But I thought I'd try something new with you," he said digging into his own meal.

"How romantic," she said with a grin. "So tell me about your favorite thing about your work."

"The students," he said. "I learn something new from each of them, even those who do not excel either by choice my curriculum standards being too high. How about you?"

"The sense of discovery," she said. "I spend a lot of time in archives and you never know what you'll find. Like we recently found the sketches of the first lady's ball gown from the 2024 inauguration by Annamaria Shinel. They're stunning."

"I can imagine," Reid said. "When I was with the BAU I enjoyed analyzing objects such as how the RBL killer used a butcher knife, but it wasn't one in a set in the house. He brought the large knife with him and left in the kitchen sink of all places for us to find."

A waitress gave them an odd look as she passed by them.

Reid turned a pale shade of pink.

"I'm sorry. I get caught up in describing my work at times."

"Don't be," she said. "I enjoy hearing the details of your job. It is like listening to a true-crime novel."

"Have you read any of Rossi's" he asked.

"Does it make me sound like a fangirl if I said read all of them?"

"No," he said.

She leaned in towards him. "What if I said I read them all because I wanted to get a better understanding of who you were?"

Reid didn't say anything for a moment. "Felicia, how long have you wanted me to ask you out?"

She smiled. "Since Aria's last birthday when Jenna gave her a hand-made friendship bracelet. I saw the look of pride on her face at making something for my daughter and I saw the way you were positively glowing with joy. You love seeing your daughter happy don't you?"

"What father doesn't?" he said sheepishly. "Jenna and I went to a craft store and picked out everything together. How could I be so blind to your, your, affection?"

"You still haven't been a widower that long. Jenna also started acting out after that."

Felicia's husband died oversees during a training accident when Aria was two.

Reid was at a loss for words.

Felicia started eating again. "So I hear you're a big Beethoven fan. Well I'll tell you I am Mozart person all the way."

Reid smiled. "Well there is something we disagree about. I find listening to Beethoven brings me a sense of tranquility no other composer can provide."

"The same goes for me and my Mozart," she said.

They both laughed together.

…

"Our kids are going to be thrilled by this development," Felicia said.

"I know, I think our Jenna and Aria were more excited about this date than we were," Spencer said. "Or at least me."

She gave him a mischievous smile. "I'll never tell."

Reid walked her to her door. "I had a great time," he said.

"Me too," she said. "I'd love to do this again."

"Me too," Reid said. "You pick this time."

"Sounds like fun," Felicia said. "I'll call you tomorrow to set things up."

"Great," he said and leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. "Good night Felicia."

"Good night Spencer."

…

"Well how was it? How was it?" Jenna asked eagerly the minute he entered their home.

Ally looked helpless from couch. She offered to babysit while in town on business.

"She just wouldn't go to bed until you got home," she said. "I figured why fight it since it wasn't a school night."

Reid looked to Jenna. "I should be mad at you for giving Aunt Ally a hard time."

"But you're not, because you had a good time with Ms. Long," she said. "So did you make plans for a second date?"

"Your punishment for giving Aunt Ally a hard time is, you don't get to find out tonight. Now go to bed."

Jenna groaned but walked to the hall. She turned around briefly. "Did you kiss her goodnight?"

"Bed!" he ordered.

This time she did as told.

Reid walked over to the kitchen. "Can I make you a cup of coffee before you go head back to the hotel?"

"Sure," she said taking a seat at the kitchen table. "So how did it feel getting back in the game?"

"It felt weird, uncomfortable, yet also exhilarating," he said and turned to Ally. "And a little guilty."

Ally waved her hand. "There is nothing to feel guilty about. Jane would want you to be happy and thereby Jenna happy. You have my blessing."

Reid didn't miss a beat. "Thanks Ally."

"You're welcome Spencer."


	30. Chapter 30

Thanks for the support!

Chapter Thirty:

Rayburn spent Sunday looking at old photos. Stephanie always looked happy in them but either she or Dean weren't smiling completely. Her sitting next to a doll house Rayburn thought she was too young to have but he bought it behind her back. When they went to Disneyworld where she wouldn't let her ride certain rides because Stephanie had mild motion sickness. When she was riding her first bike and Rayburn was trying not to scream at Dean for not buying knee or elbow pads. Would they argue over what car she could have? Stephanie had been eying the local dogs lately. Will that be their next big argument?

She moaned and began to do some light housecleaning. Life was an endless battle. She always wanted what was best for her daughter. Rayburn began to think of the past few months. Was putting Stephanie through her idea of misery for love worth it? Was what she had even love or just sex?

Rayburn went to her office and began to straighten things. She admired the picture she kept of her and Stephanie at the zoo taken a few years ago. Her phone beeped and she saw the text. She made up her mind.

…

At six-thirty in the morning he looked as dreamy as ever wearing a suit and tie. She wanted to rip them off. She took a step back.

"This needs to end," she said.

"I know," he said with a sigh. "Can you come in?"

She walked in and ignored the desire to pull his tie.

"How was your date?" she asked casually.

"Great, actually Felicia and I really hit it off," he said. "We already have a second date scheduled."

"I'm happy for you Spencer," she said meant it.

"You know this means this has to end right?" he said. "I can't be cheating on her and everything with our daughters—"

"I want to keep custody of Stephanie, badly," she said firmly. "You can't be in the picture while I'm trying to do that or ever I think."

"I know and I only want to what is best for Jenna," Reid said. He took her hand. "What we had was special in its own way Addison but it has to end."

Rayburn felt herself tearing up. "I know. Thank you for making me feel special, strong, and sexy for the first time in a long time."

"Thank you for being there for me as I struggled with raising Jenna. It meant a lot to me to have you there for me, even in the shadows."

Rayburn let go and walked to the door before she could do anything impulsive. "Goodbye Spencer."

"Goodbye Addison."


	31. Chapter 31

Don't mind me. I'm just cutting up this story. It is a slight hack job but I need to do something right now.

Chapter Thirty-One:

As usual Reid and Jenna went to New Mexico for the Thanksgiving. It was something they did when Jane was alive and it was something Reid wanted to continue to stay connected to her half of the family.

Jenna ran around with her cousins while Reid helped prep dinner. Felicia and Aria were going to spend time with her family in Baltimore. He wondered if Aria was telling them all about him and Jenna.

"It sounds like you're planning to remarry," a deep voice from behind him said.

Reid jumped. Jane's father Raymond Ascher still loomed large in his old age.

"Jenna's just over-excited that's all," he said. "It's her best friend's mother is who I'm dating."

"With the intent to marry?" he said authoritatively.

"I don't know," Reid said feeling cornered.

"So are you playing the field then?" he said.

"No," he said anxiously. "I'm just, I swear whatever I do, I do with Jenna's well-being in mind first."

"Good," he said. "Because Jane would want you to be happy but I want to make sure you do right by Jenna too. Make sure too that is a place for us Aschers in whatever new family you do create."

"I promise I will," Reid said.

Raymond Ascher moved on. Ally walked over to him. "I pity Felicia or whoever claims your heart next. She'll have to deal with your family of FBI agents and us."

Reid let out a nervous laugh. "I know."

…

Reid was putting together their fake tree when Jenna came from school. He wasn't a fan of the real ones as he over-watered the first one he and Jane had.

"Hey sweety," he called out as he aligned the last portion on.

"Hey dad did you ever have an arch-nemesis?" she asked as she entered the room.

Reid could think of a couple but none that he was willing to share. "No, why?"

"I ran into Stephanie Rayburn again,"

Reid nearly knocked over the tree.

"Where? Did you get in a fight with her?"

"At the Kennedy Center event and no dad, we didn't," she said with a dramatic sigh and sat on the couch. "But people kept expecting us to. Kids were actually cheering us on."

Reid finished aligning the tree and walked over to her. "So what did you do?"

"She actually apologized to me," she said "and so I felt I had to apologize to her for starting physical part of the fight."

Reid sat down with her. "That was a very good thing to do Jen. I'm proud of you."

"I'm over it anyway. Dad can I go over and study at Aria's for the night?"

"It's Friday Jen," Reid

"Then can I sleep over at Aria's and you can have a slumber party with Ms. Long?"

"Are you going to badger me all night about it?"

Jenna smiled. "It's been two weeks Dad, aren't you feeling lonely?"

Reid ignored the question. "I'm guessing you've already approved this with Ms. Long?"

"Just waiting on your approval."

"Fine, but next time you ask me first before Ms. Long if it is okay."

"Okay. When can I start calling her Felicia? Or better mom?"

"None of the above until Ms. Long and I discuss it. Now go get your things ready."

"Yes sir," she said cheerfully and ran off.

Reid went to grab his things in the bedroom. He briefly looked at Jane's photo.

"She is growing up fast Jane," he said and went to get his things.

…

"So I say Felicia is fine when in private, at things like school events it should remain Ms. Long," she said cuddling up beside him in bed.

"You always come up with the best compromises," Reid said.

"I'm the great compromiser," she said.

"Henry Clay is known as the great compromiser for his work on the Missouri compromise among other important legislation."

"Who needs Wikipedia when I have you," she said kissing him deeply.


	32. Chapter 32

Thanks for the support! Continuing to cut and merge this story.

Chapter Thirty-Two:

Rossi's mansion was brimming with holiday cheer. There were Christmas decorations everywhere to be seen. Even though most of the kids thought themselves a little old, a visit from Santa was scheduled.

There was also an air of sadness though about this particular feast. It would be Rossi's last Christmas before he moved down to California to live closer to his daughter. They toasted to his health, well-being, and that he outlive them all.

Reid and J.J. watched Jenna run after Morgan's sons. "Is Jenna keeping secrets from me again? I run the safety software on her computer regularly and nothing pops up."

"Spence you know she is entitled keep a few secrets from you so long as they're harmless," J.J. said.

"So you don't know either do you?"

"I made promise to tell me at least if the secrets are might something that affect both of you in a negative way and her response was unreadable. She been reading your profiling books again."

"So she's getting more secretive."

"I think that she has one secret she is not ready to share. If it were huge I think she wouldn't be able to keep it from me at this point."

Morgan approached them. "Hey what are you two doing hiding over here it? It's a party!"

"We're just discussing my daughter and her secrets," Reid said.

He sighed. "I know, Hank keeps telling me to respect his space. The more they grow up the more they grow apart from you."

"It is part of a natural adolescent progression—"

"That can't be avoided," Hotch said joining them.

"Hey your kid is in college," Morgan said.

"The apartment never felt emptier," he said.

J.J. smiled. "Yale is lucky to have him."

"Luck had nothing to do with it J.J. Dr. Reid's letter of recommendation did."

"He was an excellent candidate Hotch. His grades and extracurricular activities made him an ideal candidate."

Garcia appeared with her hands on her hips. "Just what are you people doing up here?" she asked. "There are gifts to be given, presents to open and people to say goodbye to, possibly for good."

Morgan went over and hugged her. "Not for good baby-girl. Rossi's still healthy as a horse. And we'll be up to see him from to time and he'll come down to see us."

After much as celebrating and toasting, everyone began to leave. Except for Hotch, Reid and Jenna were the last to leave. Rossi hugged them both. As Jenna dashed to the car Reid paused a moment.

"I'm going to miss you Rossi," he said.

"After all these years, Spencer please call me Dave" he said.

"Okay Dave, I'm going to miss you."

"I'm just a phone call away when you need me."

"Thanks."

They hugged one more time. They had been through a lot together and Rossi was always there for him. He wished all the best for his friend and mentor.

…

After opening presents at their home Reid and Jenna dropped by the Long's house to exchange gifts at lunch. Jenna got Aria a gift card along with a pair of earrings for her newly-pierced ears. While Jenna kept pulling him to the look at engagement rings, Reid got Felicia a silver necklace with a heart pendant. Aria got Jenna a charm bracelet with a BB 8 on it in honor of Jenna's favorite sci-fi movie. Felicia gave Reid a rare edition of a book he loved that was boring to both Jenna and Aria. Everyone was pleased with their gifts. They would have liked to have stayed longer but Felicia was cooking a big Christmas dinner and Reid and Jenna were due at J.J.'s home.

Garcia also always came to J.J. and Will's on Christmas. She was always the life of the party. Jenna once called Garcia the "fun aunt" of Reid's coworkers, which J.J. over-heard and the game of teasing hasn't stopped. She also still spoiled all of them rotten with new games and books. Occasionally she had a boyfriend on her arm, but more often than not she came on her own to enjoy the fun.

Reid watched all the festivities with a sense of melancholy. It was Jane's favorite holiday and she loved spending it here. Where would he and Jenna be next Christmas? At Long's big party? His mind suddenly drifted to Addison Rayburn, how did they spend the holidays? And why did he care all of the sudden?

Garcia threw a piece of garland around his neck.

"You do not look like you're have fun," she said. "Now come on I brought these fun things call Christmas crackers and they aren't the salty kind."

Reid pushed all thoughts of Addison Rayburn into the back of his mind where they belonged.


	33. Chapter 33

This is the new content for the story. For new readers, welcome! For regular readers, I hope you enjoy the revisions.

Chapter Thirty-Three

For New Year's Reid and Jenna usually stayed in and watched the fireworks from their window. Occasionally he was invited to parties at the other homes but Reid never really enjoyed them. He preferred spending time with Jenna when he couldn't spend time with his "team" family.

It was ten o'clock and Reid had put some frozen snacks in the oven when there was a knock on the door. He opened it to find Long and Aria all bundled up.

"Let's go down to the party!" Aria said.

Jenna came out of her room wearing a thick sweater.

"Sounds like a great idea!" she said.

Reid looked down at his slipper socks and sweat pants and then looked at Long.

"You knew about this?"

"I though they told you and you had agreed to it," Long said.

"Never trust Jenna to convey anything to me," Reid said.

Jenna came closer. "I thought you'd like the surprise."

Reid turned to her. "Jen, a word in your room. Felicia, would you pull the pizza bagels out of the oven?"

"Sure Spencer," she said and walked to the kitchen.

Aria moaned. "But we're going to be late."

"We still have time Aria," Long said. "It isn't midnight yet."

Jenna walked obediently to her room and Reid closed the door behind them.

"Jenna this has to stop," he said.

"What? I thought you'd like going out for once?" she said innocently.

"I don't like being ambushed like this repeatedly with opportunities to get together with Mr. Long," he said angrily. "How I pursue a relationship with Ms. Long is my business, not yours."

"But it affects me," she said.

"Everything I do affects you Jenna. That is why I act with as much caution as I do. I don't want you to get hurt."

"But I won't Dad," Jenna said. "You raised me to be strong."

"You may be strong, but I still have to protect you as I see fit. Jenna you need to trust me to make the right decisions with regards to how I act with Ms. Long. This relation may last or not and I have to be the one to determine that, okay?"

She nodded. "Okay dad," she said. "No more playing parent trap with you and Felicia."

"Maybe it is time I saw that movie," he said as he opened the door.

"You'd hate it."

"All the more reason I should," he said.

They entered the kitchen where Aria and Long were waiting. "I'm going to change and everyone be ready in five minutes."

Long laughed. "But you look great the way you are."

Reid threw her an irritated look. Long batted her eyelashes.

…

"I am _really_ sorry about that," Long said as they watched Aria and Jenna run around.

"It's okay," he said. "Maybe this can be the start of a new tradition."

"How about a new rule too? No letting our kids communicating possible plans."

"So we only to talk to each other," Reid said.

She pulled him close. "Exactly.

Reid looked at the timer. "We still have five minutes to go."

"You know it already New Year's in some parts of the world," she hugging him. "And beside you know our kids will be watching us when the clock hits midnight."

"Sounds like an excellent idea then," he said and kissed her deeply.

He stopped when there was a smattering of applause. They both turned red and separated.

"So did you make a wish?" Reid asked.

"It will only come true if it is a secret," she said with a coy smile.


	34. Chapter 34

I look forward to hearing something about my new content. Thanks for the support!

Chapter Thirty-Four:

"So Spence," J.J. said over coffee at their regular brunch. "How did working for the FBI transform you?"

"It changed my perspective on everything," Reid said. "I saw the world through the eyes of victims and perpetrators alike. Why?"

"It is a question that came from the FBI Recruitment Department," she said. "Every person who worked in the field for more than five years was emailed that question. The deputy director secured a grant so they're going to record the best answers in three age brackets plus the department heads for the new recruitment video."

"Sounds like quite an undertaking," he said.

"Aunt J.J. are you going to be recorded?" Jenna asked.

"I don't know Jen," she said sweetly. "We'll have to see how my answer stacks up against the others."

"I bet you had the best though," Jenna said confidently.

J.J. grinned. "You're raising her well Spence so long as she keeps singing my praises."

Reid smiled. "All of it is true though."

…

Reid met Blake for lunch the day before her first guest lecture. They exchanged pleasantries and discussed their current research. Reid suddenly felt anxious as they started to veer into personal territory as she described her husband's new role in his department.

"I'm in love with Felicia," he suddenly said.

Blake nodded. "I know you are. Do you?" she asked.

"I know I am," Reid said firmly.

"Reid, I am a linguist. Your language and your tone are screaming uncertainty."

"I really do like her Blake. But Addison is stuck in the back of my mind. I never said anything about her to the rest of the team. It feels like I'm cheating on Felicia by not even mentioning it to her."

"Reid, the more you describe it the more Addison sounds like an infatuation. You don't keep many secrets from the team, or can't anyway and the way you managed to maintain that made her more special."

"Why do I still feel like I have feelings for her?"

Blake dug into her salad. "You met her under a situation of extreme duress. Emotions and hormones must have been running wild and you can't change that. How good was the sex?"

Reid choked slightly before swallowing. "That really is none of your business Blake."

Blake took it in stride. "I only ask because intimacy was probably another important component of your relationship."

"So what do I do?" He asked almost desperately.

Blake looked him straight in the eye. "I don't have all the answers Spencer. If it is that important to you, tell Felicia."

"What if she reacts badly?"

"You've known her for several years and have dated her a few months. Tell her and maybe you can get the closure you need regarding Addison Rayburn."

"Thanks Blake," he said.

"I just hope it helps."

…

Reid was at Long's house for the night. A mutual friend of Jenna and Aria's was hosting a big birthday slumber party. Reid and Long were peacefully doing reading books side by side on the couch when Reid felt he was ready to finally let go of Rayburn.

"Felicia, dear I have something to tell you," he said nervously.

"Sure Spencer," she said mildly. "What is it?"

"Do you remember Addison Rayburn?"

"That lady whose daughter punched out Jenna? Of course," she said.

Reid swallowed. "I was in an intimate relationship with her for a brief period of time before we started dating," he said as fast as he could.

A look of rage slowly filled in Long's face. "You what?" she said inching away from him.

"We met at a support group and found a connection," he said pleadingly.

"That girl's daughter is a monster!" she practically shouted.

"Her daughter has anger issues connected to her parent's messy divorce," he said.

Long stood up. "What could you possibly see in that woman?"

"A lonely soul like me," he said standing up also. "Felicia, it's been six years. We had a connection that was more physical than anything."

"And I have been waiting for you to come around for the last two," she said angrily pacing around. "Spencer you can be so blind at times. You could have confided in me! I know what it is like to mourn also."

"I know," he said. "The whole thing was a big mistake."

He tried to approach her but she turned away and took a step back.

"What do you expect me to do?" she asked.

"Felicia, I just don't want any secrets between us which is why I'm telling you now."

"Frankly I'm questioning your judgement to even be in such a relationship with that woman."

"You don't know her."

Tears started to leak down her face. "I feel like I don't know you. Why tell me now?"

"Because I realized I couldn't fully let go of her unless I told you about her, if that makes sense."

"Not really," she said.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you," Reid said, trying to approach her again.

"Just get out," she said wiping her tears away. "I need space and don't go running to that woman. I just need to think things over."

"I won't," he said. "I promise."

"Get out now."

Reid picked up his things. "What will we tell the girls?"

"We had a fight, which this is."

"Okay," Reid said as he walked to the door.

"I love you," he said.

"Good-bye," she said.


	35. Chapter 35

It's been kind of rough and not just because of recent news relating to the show. I could use a review.

Chapter Thirty-Five:

When J.J. walked into the conference room on the fourth floor for the video recording, she didn't know what to expect. She certainly didn't expect a full lighting crew and makeup studio.

A woman with dark hair pulled in a bun appeared.

"Hi, you must be Jennifer Jareau. How nice of you to come in early. I'm Elly Murrell, the director of this film."

The women shook hands.

Elly looked at her closely. "Your hair is fine, but your make-up could use a touch-up. I'll send you to Jason first and then we get to the recording part."

J.J. sat awkwardly on the chair. It had been a while since she'd this done for an on-camera appearance.

Addison Rayburn appeared suddenly with headphones around her neck.

"Hi," she said almost timidly. "I'm sorry about all this nonsense," she said under her breath as Jason added eye-shadow. "I write a grant for a professional camera man and editing crew and instead I get a three ring circus."

"It's okay," she said. "I used to be a media liaison so I'm kind of used to it. You're Addison Rayburn right? Why do I feel like I've you seen you somewhere outside of work?"

Rayburn sighed. "Probably when my daughter punched Reid's daughter on the soccer field."

"Right," she said awkwardly.

"Done," Jason declared.

"My daughter's anger issues are being addressed," she said quickly as they walked to the recording area. "No more fighting on the field or elsewhere."

"Raising kids can be tough," J.J. said.

"I can't imagine raising two," she said.

J.J. sat down on the stool next the FBI seal. Something seemed off.

"Wait, how did you know I have two kids?"

"The casefiles," Rayburn said. "Dr. Tara Lewis joined your team while you were on maternity leave. When your name was selected I was careful to read all of your case history."

Murrell appeared along with a sound tech to place a microphone on her.

"So this is just a conversation between me and you," she said. "Just talk naturally while I ask you some questions. Got it?"

"Sure," J.J. said.

"Let's start rolling," Murell said and the light for the camera went on.

"So Agent Jareau, start at the beginning, what inspired you to become an FBI agent?"

"David Rossi," she said. "I was still in college unsure of what to do when I saw him speak at one of his book signings."

"You ended up working with Agent Rossi correct?"

J.J. knew how this worked. "I ended up working with agent Rossi for twelve years. It was an honor and privilege to work with him."

Out of the corner of her she saw Rayburn in the background. She didn't look pleased.

"Great," Murrell said. "Tell me, how has working for the Behavioral Analysis Unit has transformed your life?"

"I don't know where I would be without the BAU," she said. "I met my husband through my work there. An agent is the godfather of one of my sons. Working for the BAU has transformed every aspect of my life."

Again she noticed Rayburn didn't look pleased.

"Tell me about your favorite part of the job," Murrell said.

"My favorite part of the job is bringing relief to the family members and the victims we manage to rescue."

Rayburn didn't look satisfied.

J.J. waved her hand. "Um Addison, is there something on your mind?"

"Ignore her," Murrell brusquely.

"Why?"

Murrell looked annoyed. "You know how directors rarely cut their own trailers? You know why? Because they're too close to the project to see what appeals to the wider audience."

Rayburn took a step forward. "All of these answers sound canned. I know they aren't but I have heard them all before in other recruitment videos."

"Why remake the wheel?" Murrell said irritably. "You brought me on to create a quality recruitment video."

"I applied for a quality editing studio."

"But you got me and you should be grateful," Murrell said nastily. "I'm getting sick of the bad looks you keep giving me."

"Fine," she said. "Get out."

"Seriously?" she said. "You're going to produce this on your own?"

"It is what I have been wanting to do since the start but it took seeing J.J. to realize why I should have," she said firmly. "Now please leave."

"Have it your way," she said with a huff. "Good luck with that shrew," she said getting up.

Murrell walked to the door. "You won't be seeing me again."

"Good-bye Mrs. Murrell," Rayburn said simply.

Rayburn watched the door close. "That is the closest I have ever been to having someone call me a shrew to my face," she said mildly.

"How did you know I liked to be called J.J.?" she asked.

"It is common knowledge around here," she said lightly. "I don't hear people calling you 'Section Chief Jareau,'"

Rayburn took Murrell's seat and looked at her iPad.

"Did Rossi know right away that he inspired you to join the FBI?"

"No, he didn't know from the start" J.J. said blushing slightly. "It happened on a case when he was ready to give up because another fan of his books died seeking out the truth involving a cold case."

"Did that change your relationship with him at all?"

"It changed our relationship in that I think we grew a little closer."

Rayburn scrolled through questions her tablet. She stood up. "I am missing something," she said more to herself than J.J. "All of the answers I have received are great. Nothing wrong with them. But I know I can still bore a room to sleep with this video."

"What case made you want to walk away from it all?" Rayburn asked.

"I never wanted to walk away even when I was asked to go on special assignment. I never wanted to leave my team."

Rayburn smiled. "That is what I have been digging for. Team work. Every kid in school hates it due to other commitments, conflicting personalities and different work ethics. How did you manage?"

"We managed to work as team because we had a strong leader," she said. "He saw the strengths each of us had along with our weaknesses. He used them to create a strong unit."

"He?" Rayburn said. "Who is he?"

"The current deputy director of the FBI Aaron Hotchner."

"I can cut that line for timeliness later," she muttered and pulled out her iPad again. "I am rescheduling everyone and you are the star of my show this afternoon."

"But I have other meetings," J.J. said.

"Then take the time to reschedule them now. The current director wants this to take priority. He wants something viral."

"Out of the FBI?"

"I think you can do it."

J.J. pulled out her phone and began to send texts. "You seem to know an awful lot about my team."

"I studied you closely," she said.

"But there are other teams," J.J. said. "Would it have anything to do with Spencer Reid?"

Rayburn looked up. "Why would you say that?"

"I'm known as J.J. only to the people in my unit," she said. "Some of your micro-expressions show you're trying to hide something. I think you know more about my team beyond what is in our files."

Rayburn looked to the cameraman and the other crew. "Guys take ten. I want to ask Jareau a few questions that contain sensitive information before we start up again."

They all looked at her quizzically but did as told. Rayburn sighed.

"I was in a romantic relationship with Reid for a few weeks," she said looking slightly ashamed of herself.

"While the girls were fighting?" J.J. said.

"We were two lonely people who met at a support group for single parents. We knew it wouldn't work out but we kept seeing each other until he became interested in Felicia. I'm happy he found someone."

"Wait," J.J. said. "I don't think he is over you."

"Why?" Rayburn said shocked.

"I had brunch with him and Jenna on Sunday. Jenna was mad that he and Felicia got into a big fight and he wouldn't tell anyone what it was about."

For a profiler, watching Rayburn's changing expression was fascinating. She saw hope, sadness, fondness, and despair.

"Addison," J.J. said. "Are still in love with him?"


	36. Chapter 36

If you're like me, you might read the first and latest chapter to see if it might be interesting. I hope it is to you. It is a long complicated story because relationships are complicated. Thanks to those who have been reading this regularly and a special welcome to those who choose to start reading now.

Chapter Thirty-Six

"Language, Jenna!" Reis shouted in the car. They were on their way to Garcia's so Reid could spend the night on research work.

"Screw that," Jenna said. "It has been five days dad and you still won't tell me what the fight was about. Aria thinks she does."

Reid glanced at her. "She does?"

"Is there another woman dad, is there?" she asked accusingly.

"No," Reid said firmly.

"You promised you'd never lie to me which is why I knew about Santa Claus before any of my friends. Are you sure Dad?"

"Jenna, there is no woman!" Reid shouted.

"Then why are you and Felica fighting?"

"Because that's what people do occasionally," he said. He could have cited sources on human behavior but now didn't feel like the right time.

"Why won't you tell me what it is about?"

"It is extremely private," Reid said as he felt himself losing his temper. "How many more times do I have to tell you?"

"Fine! Whatever. Did you know Aria wanted to help me paint their spare room this summer? It would be my choice in case we wanted to move in."

Reid was shaking with rage by the time they pulled up to Garcia's apartment. They walked to the door without saying a word.

"Hello my darlings!" Garcia gushed as usual.

"Hi Aunt Penelope," Jenna muttered and walked through the door.

"Preteen teenage trouble again?" Garcia said to Reid.

"Something like that," Reid said.

"I'm a good listener if you need me," she said looking concerned.

"Not tonight Garcia. Just make sure she does her school work and goes to bed at a proper hour as it is a school night. I'll be by in the morning to pick up."

"Sure thing genius," she said. "I have been experimenting with French toast and I hope you'll be here long enough to try some."

"I'll try," he said.

Garcia suddenly hugged him. "I'm here if you need me. Just be, just be good okay and don't stay up too late."

"I won't Garcia," he said. "I won't."

…

Reid hated lying to Garcia but work was all he knew when he was stressed. He couldn't think when he was at home these days so he went to school. His office was in the same building where a library was open at all hours so he wasn't completely alone.

With rapid precision he graded papers. He reconfigured questions for exams. After rereading three of the books he assigned and he came up with new study guides. Anything to keep his mind from the storm of emotions that kept threatening to engulf him.

To his surprise his cell phone rang. He was surprised to see Felicia's number.

"Hello," he said trying to sound upbeat.

"I heard you sent Jenna away so you could have some alone time," she stated.

"I thought we agreed to not let our kids do our talking for us," Reid said irritably.

"Neither of our kids have sleep away events this weekend, and Aria is sound asleep so I thought now would be the best time to talk."

Reid couldn't handle this right now. "Felicia I am actually to do some school work."

"At ten o'clock at night on Thursday? Really?" she said.

"One article states that the brain does creative work better when you're tired."

"I really don't care Spencer because think you're trying to avoid your problems."

Reid sighed. "What do you want Felicia?"

"Addison Rayburn," she said. "Do you still care about her?"

Reid wanted to throw his phone against the wall and curl up under his desk.

"Felicia at the risk of breaking both our hearts, I promised to never lie to you. So my answer is: I don't know."

"Why?"

"Because I wonder about her and daughter from time to time," Reid said pacing his small office. "I wonder about her divorce—"

"And whether she is still single," Felicia said.

"And whether she has custody of her daughter, losing that is what made her want to end it just as I didn't want to lose you."

"So I was your second choice?" she said her voice rising.

"You know that's not what I meant. I didn't know what real love was until I had that date with you."

"It is clear you're not over her," she said authoritatively. "But it is over for us."

Reid fell into his chair reserved for students. "But I still love you," he cried.

"Not enough to let go of Rayburn," she said.

"What do we tell our kids?"

"The truth, can yours handle it?"

"I did not cheat on you Felicia," he said.

"Emotionally you did. Goodbye Spencer Reid," she said and hung up.

After a few minutes he put down his phone and lost it. He ripped off posters, pulled books off shelves and slammed his chess set against the wall. He knew he was lucky a maintenance man didn't hear him. He taped up a sign to his door stating office hours were canceled for the coming day and then turned off the lights. Reid collapsed on a pile of books and slept fitfully.

…

There was persistent knocking on his door. He briefly wondered if it was Addison. He checked his watch to see it was eight o'clock in the morning. Jenna!

Reid opened the door to find J.J. waiting with two coffees.

"You look like crap," she stated and walked into his office. "And your office looks worse."

"Felicia broke up with me over the phone," he said. "Where's Jenna?"

"Garcia took her to school. She became worried when you didn't pick up your phone this morning and said you looked beat last night. I checked your apartment first and then noticed your car wasn't in the lot so I decided to check the school. Sorry if the coffee isn't hot."

"I don't care about coffee J.J." he said following her gazed around his office. "What about work for you?"

"I rearranged a few appointments and cited a family emergency as you are family," she said.

"You really didn't have to do all this J.J. I would have been fine."

J.J. pointed to his office with both hands. "This doesn't look fine Spence."

Reid started to put books back on shelves. "It will be, I had a lapse in judgement. I won't ever forget about Jenna and school I promise."

"Please call your sponsor today alright?" she said.

"I will J.J." he said.

There was a moment of silences. J.J. went over and helped him put books away.

"So things are over with you and Felicia," she stated.

"Yes," he said sadly.

"What if I told you that Addison Rayburn isn't over you?"

Reid looked at her straight in the eyes.

"Then we are truly two very messed-up souls."

"Or soulmates," J.J. said with a slight smile.


	37. Chapter 37

Author's Note:

This is a chapter that is all new. I look forward to reading some new reviews(that aren't flames).

Chapter Thirty-Seven

"So this is how you're going to treat me on weekends when dad is away on business?" Stephanie said as they ate their ice cream. "Or is there another reason for a trip to my favorite ice cream shop?"

"Do I have to have an ulterior motive for taking my daughter out for ice cream?" Rayburn said innocently.

"You gave me an iTunes card and then dad got me the newest iPhone, I know how the game is played."

"So you expect dad to buy you an ice cream shop the next time you see him?" Rayburn said and caught herself. "Sorry, your dad loves you very much and we both have different ways of showing it."

Stephanie grinned. "The divorce agreement has been finalized. You won. You can make a few nasty remarks at dad's expense I won't rat you out."

Rayburn sighed. "You tweens and your changing personalities. What am I going to do about it?"

"Keep a bottle of whiskey in your desk?" Stephanie said.

Rayburn rolled her eyes and Stephanie laughed.

"So out with it mom, what is this all about?"

Rayburn bit her lip. "Do you remember Jenna Reid? The girl you fought with?"

"Yeah, kind of hard to forget," she said.

"I was in a very brief relationship with her father a four months ago," she said more loudly than intended.

Stephanie carefully licked her spoon. A grin slowly formed.

"So you were having sex Mr. Reid when I was away at dad and Talia's?"

"You make it sound so, so crass when you put it that way, but yes we were intimately involved and we also talked and shared our frustrations over raising two strong girls."

"So what made you end it?" she asked.

"We both came to our senses," she said. "Dating him wouldn't look good while I was refiling for custody of you and Mr. Reid found someone else more suitable."

"Suitable how?"

"How are you not freaking out about all this?" Rayburn said.

"I didn't know you had a wild side and plus Mr. Reid is kind of cute."

"And Jenna?"

"The fighting was stupid and we both knew it. Now tell me, how this woman was better than you mom?"

"Their daughters are best friends and I think she works at the Smithsonian."

"You work for the FBI!"

"In the recruiting office, and he used to be an agent," she said. "I was also his first relationship since his wife died of a stroke six years ago."

"You were his rebound."

"In a sense, yes" she said. "Though I hate to call it that."

"So why are you telling me this now?"

"I can't stop thinking about him. I miss him and I think I want to try another relationship with him."

"How does his current girlfriend feel about all this?" she said with a grin.

"That part is complicated. So you are not angry at me over wanting to date the father of the girl who hit you?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I hit her back and this looks interesting and no offense mom, but you're never interesting."

"Offense taken. You just don't share my same interests."

"You like Barbies more than me. So what is your next move?"

"I honestly don't know."


	38. Chapter 38

See endnote.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Reid was waiting patiently at the kitchen table when Jenna burst through the door.

"You lied!" she shouted. "You said there was no other woman!"

"Take a seat Jenna," Reid said calmly.

Jenna dropped her backpack. "No! I can't believe you cheated on Felicia! She and Aria were best thing to happen to this family."

"There was no other woman. When I was with Felicia, I committed myself to developing a relationship with her. My relationship with Addison ended when my date with Felicia ended."

"Why her of all people? Really dad?"

"Because our paths crossed a couple times and found we had a few things in common like too very strong daughters."

"Was there sex involved when I wasn't around?"

Reid nodded. "There was some intimacy but it was about companionship more than anything."

Jenna paced around the kitchen. "I can't believe this. That is just so wrong. What is wrong with you?"

"I thought by telling Felicia we could move forward with our relationship without any secrets."

Jenna burst into tears. "But you ruined everything!"

Reid beckoned her forward. "Jenna please come and sit down."

"Why?"

"Just humor me please," he said.

She pulled out a seat loudly and sat with a huff.

"Do you know what causes wrinkles?"

"I don't know and I don't care!" she shouted.

Reid gently took ahold of her right hand. "Fibers in places such as our hands reconnect improperly with time forming wrinkles. See how many more wrinkles I have already."

"I don't care—"Jenna said as she tried to pull her hand away but Reid held firm.

"In the years to come Jenna your hands will start to wrinkle and mind will wrinkle even more. During that time we will break apart briefly and come together in a new bond slightly different than the original. Jenna this disconnect between us right now is an early metaphorical wrinkle in life."

Jenna stood up and pulled away from Reid. "Whatever dad. This little 'wrinkle' is a big one and I'm not sure I can forgive you for it."

"You will eventually," he said in the calm even tone.

Jenna just looked at him and shook her head. "Just stay the heck away from me."

She slammed her door shut. Reid sighed and pulled out his phone.

…

Rayburn was putting the finishing touches on the new recruitment video. She was extremely anxious about presenting it to the director. It was so different and she hoped this level of different was good.

Her phone rang as Stephanie and entered.

"Hi Addison," Reid said nervously.

"Hey Spencer," she said equally nervous.

To Rayburn's annoyance Stephanie took a seat in front of her with a grin on her face.

"J.J. tells me you've been working on a new recruitment video."

"Yes it's different and I think it relates to students better. I hope to present it in a few weeks pending the director's approval."

"From what I've gotten to know about you, I'm sure it will."

"Thank you Spencer."

"J.J. also tells me that you still have feelings for me."

Rayburn gulped. "Yes I do," she admitted.

"I think I do too but I don't want to pursue them yet. Felicia just broke up with me after I admitted we had a relationship and Jenna isn't taking it well. Give it a couple weeks and I'll call you back okay?"

"That sounds great Spencer, really great."

"Good-bye Addison," he said confidently.

"Bye Spencer," Rayburn said and hung up. She stared at her daughter's grinning face.

"I could hear both ends of that conversation."

"Your hearing is too good."

"So Jen might deck me once she finds out you and Spencer plan on reconnecting."

"Spencer would never let that happen."

Stephanie got up and went to the fridge. "I wouldn't blame her mom."

Rayburn went back to her work.

"I wouldn't either."

End Note:

At the risk of making this negative review proof: The chapter is dedicated to my Father who passed away suddenly last Monday. We had lots of wrinkles in our lives but our relationship remained strong. You never knew this is how I spent my time late at night and during the day sometimes. Now you do Dad. I love you.


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